Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I'm really fed uppppp!!! This is enough!!!

Okay... let me see... I don’t know where to start from besraa7a... Bas I feel like I’m gonna explode if I don’t let my thoughts out through writing them down RIGHT NOW... I don’t think my thoughts would be well-arranged, I’m just gonna let them out exactly like they pop up to my mind... So please bear with me…

(WARNING - WARNING - WARNING: If you aren't really interested in reading people’s reflections, you wouldn’t like to read this... For you, this would be a “waste-of-time” :D ... Actually The most important parts are thelast 3 or 4 paragraphs, so you can directly jump to them if you want!... Good luck!!! :D :D)

Okay, let me start with this question.... Why do people always look at what others are doing wrongly or differently, and start criticizing?!!! Ya3ny when someone changes their way of treating others, why does it have to be that this person has turned into a bad “unsociable” person?!!! Why can’t this person be having something different in his/her life that caused this sudden change? People DO change... It’s a life-fact!!! So why don’t FRIENDS stand next to one another during these times, instead of talking about each other behind their backs?... Really WEIRD!... And sad at the same time… :S :S The problem, I believe, is that most of the people these days care about themselves, and care about being treated by others in a good way, ALWAYS, disregarding the circumstances! And that is IMPOSSIBLE!... Everyone in this life goes through different phases… there are times when one feels happy, and other times of stress and sadness, so why don’t others, especially FRIENDS, take this into consideration?!!! It’s not always about YOU!!! Sometimes people need to feel cared for, disregarding the way they treat others… And I think this is the time when they really get to understand and discover the people around them, and differentiate between their real and their so-called friends… Begad ya gamaa3a, take care, sometimes a friend of yours might only need support, nothing more!!... But it really becomes shocking when they don’t get this kind of support from you at the time when they’re in need of it… They never forget that for you (that you weren’t there for them), believe me!

This is, of course, besides the idea that the word “friend” is being mis-used these days.. .anyone calls anyone “friend”… This is supposed to be a SACRED word, people!!!!... A friend is there when you need him/her… A friend should understand when you are in a bad mood, and shouldn’t really make matters worse, w “ye2fesh” mn ay 7aga te7sal fl wa2t da… A friend should feeeeeeeeel it, when their friend is not feeling well… They should have very sensible alarms that warn them when their friend isn’t happy about something… A friend should be able to understand his/her friends by just looking at their face!.... He/she shouldn’t know every single detail about their friend’s life, and get mad if they knew about things a little later (If this was necessary between friends, I think my anteem friend Aliaa would have killed me 8 years ago!!! She’s ALMOST NEVER the first to know about MAJOR things in my life, and she hears from me once every month or two, but she still cares, and I find her when I need her! Bgad You’re the best ya Louly! I adoooooore you! Rabbena yebareklek w ye7├ílliki leyya ya Rab dayman!) …

A friend shouldn’t tell his/her friend half of the truth, because they believe that this is what’s best for them now!! He/she should treat this friend with respect, and take into consideration that they too, HAVE BRAINS, and could decide on what’s best for themselves… A friend should be objective and tell the whole story... It’s their friend’s right to know it! Then they have to believe in their friend’s way of thinking, and pray for them to take the right decisions afterwards…A friend should CONFRONT his/her friend when he/she is mad at him/her! He/she shouldn’t go talk about him/her behind his/her back, and assume that this friend would sooner or later figure it out on their own, and come to apologize!! That’s not gonna happen… You know why?!!!... Cuz this friend doesn’t even know that their friend is mad at them, because he/she never told them about it!!!... And it really feels AWEFUL when you’re actually told that this so-called-friend of yours talked about you behind your back, and never came up to your face, and said it frankly!... Oh, and what feels even worse is when this friend of yours treats you very nicely when they’re with you, but does the total opposite when you aren’t around… IT HURTS!!!!! :@ :@ :@ It really does!...

And you know what, those people who prefer not to confront their friends the moment they get mad at them, and decide to leave those friends discover the problem on their own, are actually increasing the problem, and not letting it go... I think that the best way to solve problems is to talk them out together, and if your friend is a REAL friend, he/she would appreciate that you cared enough to talk honestly, and would surely do their best to forgive, and be forgiven... But letting things go, only makes matters worse!... Because according to psychology, you NEVER let them go... You might clear them away from your conscious mind, but never do they get erased from your unconscious mind as long as you leave them hanging unsolved!... Think about it, and apply it to yourselves, you’ll find it’s true... :) What happens instead is that you THINK you forgot about it, but your unconscious mind is still annoyed because of it... so this unconscious mind makes you act differently with your friend, even if you don’t really feel it... And by “differently” here, I mean either slightly aggressive – showing part of your unconscious frustration-, or surprisingly enough, EXCESSIVELY FRIENDLY - Which is the total opposite of what you feel, and that usually happens when you are REALLY frustrated and shocked, so you try to trick your unconscious and convince it that you’ve forgotten about this problem, although actually, you’re increasing it- :S :S I know this second state sounds very weird... but it does happen, and a friend of mine does apply it, unfortunately!! :S

Anyway, your friend usually feels this difference as soon as it takes place, however slight it is... and he/she gets confused by this unreasonable sudden change (either positively or negatively)! What happens is that this person either lets it go too (but still thinks about his/her friend in a weird cautious way, and accordingly acts with them differently) , or talks about it with his/her friend (and that is when the problem gets solved most of the time, if the other friend is honest enough)... But unfortunately, the 2nd scenario RARELY happens... It’s always the 1st scenario that does occur... And accordingly, each of the two so-called-friends starts to apply the “self-fulfilling prophecy” , and starts to give himself/herself proof that their negative opinion about their friend is actually true, according to how they deal with them now! And the problem starts to get bigger and bigger every minute!... I’m sure most of you are so confused now :D :D :D (w howwa da el matlouuuuuuub :D LooooL...!!) Well, unfortunately, that’s EXACTLY what happens in your brain! You get your brain confused, and frustrated because of things that could have been sorted out from the very beginning, by only TALKING!.... TALKING, PEOPLE!! That’s what we do all the time!!! :D That’s what differentiates us from animals, and other species, right?!!!!! :D Isn’t it funny that it’s usually VERY easy to talk about someone behind their back... but soooooo hard to sit down and say the SAME THINGS in your friend’s face?!!!!!! :D :D (I’ve always wondered why people like to talk about other people behind their backs! And then treat those people very nicely when they meet them!... Why?!! Is it that exciting?!!!... Mesh 3arfa, MAYBE! :S :S Bas I call it “NEFAAAAAAK”, and I really hate being a victim of it!) ... It’s a funny funny world begad!! :D :D Where has honesty gone?? ... I know, sometimes it’s really hard to talk it through, but please remember that by time, it becomes harder and harder, and the problem gets bigger and bigger! And I’ve actually tried it :S :S So, If you do really care, it’s better talk now, before it’s too late...

Those of you who know me well would know that I like to WRITE :) And actually when I say “write”, I really mean every letter of the word… :) I do write A LOT!! (W fi naas ya 7araam bet3aany ma3aaya 3ashan betettarr te2ra elli ana baktebo :D)... But why would that be considered a problem?? This is actually how I THINK… I like to talk to inner-myself on paper (and no, I’m not turning mad like Yomna :D, if you’re thinking about that! :D :D LooooooL..!! Just kidding ya Yayyoooooo, you know how much I love u, and I would NEVER trade you for ANYTHING in this whole word! You are a real blessing in my life, sis! :D)... Actually, the fact is, I THINK a lot!... Yes… I like to reflect about anything that takes place in my life… I stop every little details, and start finding something positive to think about!... I got used to writing those thoughts on paper ever since I was young… That’s usually how I get rid of my negative mood-swings too! :) So please bear with me (actually if you are reading till now, you don’t really need to know this, since it seems you don’t have that big problem with reading anyway! :D)

Also those who know me quite well, know that I usually evaluate my friends almost twice a year! :D That might be crazy, but that’s what I do eversince I entered the sweet AUC! :D Because unfortunately, I’m the kind of person who sees all the positives in people, and that’s why I consider EVERYONE good by default, and that’s also why I really get hurt when I finally discover others’ realities :S :S What do you think I should do about this?? Should I stay away from people?? Should I really turn “unsociable”, and get rid of people’s existence in my life… and be happy?!! :D Well, unfortunately, I won’t be happy this way, because according to what I studied in psychology (ah... bardo psychology! :D), I’m a person who gets energized, and charged by mingling with others around me... I do like to stay on my own sometimes, but still, most of my time, I like to mingle with others, and be with people!... So what do u think I could do?!... Should I always keep a distance from the people I get to know?... Should I always be anticipating their weird acts?? How can one live like that?!!!... I think it’s my destiny to get to know people, love them, cherish my memories with them, consider them real friends, and then discover their real personalities... The personalities that are under the masks they’re wearing... Why do they even wear masks from the beginning?!!.. Why don’t they have enough faith in their real characters, and deal with others, showing them their true faces... And why have people turned into “masla7geyya” ?? Why doesn’t anyone think of doing good, just for the sake of doing good?!... Am I thinking about a UTOPIAN world??... Maybe... But that’s how I deal with others, so that’s how I like to be dealt with in return!...

Just like I talked about my feelings, I also care about other’s feelings too... This is why I’m now apologizing to ANYONE I’ve treated badly through any phase in my life... I’m apologizing to anyone I hurt unintentionally or even intentionally... especially recently... I’ve noticed that a lot of people “shayleen menny gaamed”, but what hurts is that they never face me! :S :S Pleaaaaaaaase ya gama3a, if ANYONE has ANY problem with me, pleaaaaaaaase tell me about it! You will never believe how my respect to you would increase if you just came up to me, and said: “I got really frustrated with you ya 3Abeer, because of so, and so...” ... Even if you think your reason is trivial, I would really appreciate it if we talked things out together!... Even if not for me, do it as a favor for your own “unconscious mind”... Make it feel at ease, and don’t increase el “kalakee3” elli feeh that are resulting from “letting matters go”...!! :S :S

Finally, I’m apologizing to those special people in my life (especially you ya Salma Shabrawy... and others tab3an), whom I have been neglecting recently... Believe me, it was out of my hands... New events have come into my life.... I've been doing lot of things, getting a lot of thoughts, taking a lot of decisions, and experiencing a lot of contradicting feelings... I know you might be re-evaluating me, and re-evaluating our friendship... And it’s your right to do so... But I’m also sure that if you understand the word “Friend” in the correct way, you would be able to easily forgive me, and to find excuses for my not-so-well treatment... I also have to really thank those who stood beside me, and are always standing beside me when I need them... Those REAL friends of mine who can notice my mood by just looking at me... By just hearing my tone of voice... Those who usually won’t let me go, until they know what’s wrong with me, and help me sort my problems out... Those who are OBJECTIVE... They support me when I need support, and they still face me when they think I’m wrong... El7amdulillah Allah has blessed me with a good number of those people in my life, masha2 Allah :)... And you all know yourselves :D (I love u people aweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee bgad, and I can’t ever imagine going through this life without you :) Rabbena ye7’alliko leyya yaaaaaa Rab foreverrrrrrrrrr isA :D)...

Yalla, I think that’s all for now... Sorry for making this soooooooo long, but I had to write all my thoughts down, so as to get rid of any negative feelings I had towards anyone I know... And I hope that no one takes this seriously upon him/herself... This was just a reflection of my feelings during this phase in my life! :)

Thanks for reading, and I would be more than delighted to read your comments and your own reflections :)

Thursday, October 9, 2008

The right decision...

There comes a time
In a person’s life,
When he starts
to look back
Upon the years
That have passed by

Quickly or slowly
It doesn’t matter
What matters is
The decisions taken
And the ones
That are to be taken

One starts to assess
His earlier life
His previous decisions
His past years
And suddenly
Questions pop up;

“Was that the right decision?”
“What if I had done this?”
“Where would I have been now?”
“Am I happy?”
“What’s gonna happen now?
“What’s in my Future?”

Ah! My Future...
The word that scares him
The word that makes him think
And then, think again...
About his decisions
And about his whole life

Throughout a person’s life
He is asked to choose
To choose between
Right and wrong
Between good and evil
Between happiness and misery

To choose his toys
His school
His friends
His career
His spouse
And even his own house

To choose the path
Of his entire life
And consequently
His own afterlife!

Some decisions
are easy to take
and are done
on a daily basis
without even thinking
or weighing consequences

But others are different
More difficult...
Involving tough choices
And changing one’s life

While taking a decision
Especially a crucial one
People usually forget
Forget, that they have
ALLAH... to guide them
To help them make
The right decision

Others do remember HIM
But don’t have enough faith
They can’t believe that HE
Can change the whole world
Just for them...
Just to help them do
What’s for their best

I myself have gone
Through this phase before
And not having enough faith

But then,
When I came to think about it
I realized...
Why do I exhaust myself?

Why do I care so much?
About the consequences...
About what’s gonna happen,
If I took this direction
Instead of the other one

I realized...
I should think reasonably,
Trust my intuition
And choose my path
And deep down in my heart
I should depend on HIM
And no one else but HIM...
ALLAH... yes, ALLAH!

HE is there to help me
Guide me
Care for me
Always and forever
So, how can I?
How can I worry?
How can I fear tomorrow?
When I have HIM!

I take my decisions
Remembering HIM
Believing in HIM
And being optimistic
That HE always does
And will do...
What’s best for me

Even if I don’t see it now
I shall probably understand
And realize HIS wisdom,
When I go back again
To assess my earlier life
My previous decisions
And my past years.