Once upon a time, in a faaaaar away land, there was a huuuuuge tribe of ants living in a big neighborhood together... They were all really happy, no one could deny it... They used to help one another in everything that was needed to be done... They loved each other soooo much, & cared for one another in an exceptional way...
Among this huge tribe, there were two newly born ants, who lived in two ant-houses right next to each other... The two baby ants, James & John, were really inseparable... They were considered an amazing example for real best friends... They grew up together, went to school together, & always kept each others' secrets :) The day came when they even graduated from the Ants' College together as well :) :D
One day, James called John up... He had just received a phone call from a huge marketing company, he was finally accepted to work with them! So, he wanted to hang out with John & celebrate! John answered, "Well James, I would've loved to... But I'm really busy today, I'm sorry"... He sounded very gloomy and sad... So James asked him what was wrong, & wanted to come over to his house & stay with him for a while, just like they usually do when any one of them is feeling down...
To James's surprise, John replied, "No James, Can't you just leave me alone?! That's all what I'm asking of you! Why can't you understand?!"... James felt really humiliated to get such an answer from his best buddy... So he ended the conversation right away... He kept thinking what he had done to deserve such treatment from his best friend!
He finally decided to go out on his own, to have a long walk in the ants' park and to try to free his mind from what was going on inside it... He walked for hours and hours, but felt more and more frustrated whenever he remembered his last phone call with John... He decided he would talk to John again tomorrow to know what was wrong with him...
On his way back home, he found some of John's cousins walking down the street... He looked closely, & there to his surprise was his best friend John! They looked so happy from where he was standing!!!
"That's it!", James thought to himself, "that's the end of it!... I don't want to see this #%*&%¥#¤ John again! I'll call him tomorrow to tell him that this is the end of our so-called friendship.. He probably didn't want to hang out with me because he's jealous he didn't get a job like mine! He didn't even sound happy for me when I told him about it on the telephone! He does not deserve being a part of my life anyway! I knew all along that he would become one of those ungrateful friends... It's my fault anyway! How did I ever think real friendship existed in this world?!"...
Later that day, James was feeling really sad, so he decided to sleep early.. He went to bed at 10pm but couldn't get himself to fall asleep until 2am! He kept asking himself, "Whyyyy?! How could he do this to me?!" Then he remembered all the fights they had gone through together, & how he -James- was always the first one to forgive... He wouldn't even talk about the problems, he would just give John a tight ant hug, & tell him how their friendship was stronger than all of those problems... And they would forget everything and start all over again...
All of those problems popped up to James's mind now... He also remembered all of the bad things that others used to say about John... He started to believe them, & was convinced that he -James- was a real idiot, having kept up with all of this humiliation throughout his past life... He decided that John doesn't even deserve the phone call he was going to give him tomorrow... "I won't talk to him ever again", decided James.
One week later, James's mother came into his room, holding the telephone and saying, "Wake up darling, John is on the phone. He sounds very sad and says he wants to speak to you"... James turned to his mother and signaled to her that he doesn't want to talk to him, & asked her to tell him that he's asleep. Surprised as she was, his mother couldn't do anything other than that... She wouldn't be able to force her son to speak on the phone if he didn't feel like it... But that was the third time he refused to speak to John! She had to do something about it!
After hanging up with John, James's mother started asking James about what had happened between the two of them... He didn't feel like talking at the beginning... "You would never understand!", said James... " Never" :'( His mother could not help but notice the small ant tears running down his cheeks... So she insisted on knowing the reason... And James could not keep everything to himself anymore, so he told her everything...
Mother ant took a deeeeep breath and said: "Oh darling, it must be hard for you, I know... That same situation happened to me with John's mother when we were young... But because I really valued the friendship I had with her... I decided I should go and talk everything out... And it appeared to me that I was seeing things from a perspective that was totally different than reality... So why don't you try doing the same?"...
James thought about it for a while, then replied, "But mom, I've told a lot of my friends about what happened between John & I last week, & they backed me up saying that breaking up our friendship was the logical thing to do now... After all, I was the one always forgiving and letting things go... So I can never be blamed... And they themselves even decided never to talk to him again"...
"James darling", mother ant replied, "Telling your friends about the problem between you and John was not the correct thing to do from the beginning... Firstly, some of them might be envying the amazing friendship you have with him, so they'd be determined to ruin things for both of you whenever they get the chance to... Those would definitely back you up and encourage you to end this relationship... Others might be good friends, but you would only be telling them the story from YOUR perspective... You would be explaining how innocent and good you have been, & how cruel he has been with you, so most of them would back you up as well".
"However," she added, "what you were supposed to do from the beginning was to wait until he calms down, then call him up, meet him, tell him exactly how you felt, & demand an explanation from him... You shouldn't just forgive without talking your problems through, & expressing you feelings... Because what really happens is that your unconscious ant mind stores everything inside it, & never lets go unless the problems are sorted out... So, whenever a new problem pops up, that unconscious mind reminds you of everything you thought you had forgotten... And that definitely ruins everything!"...
The room was silent for a couple of minutes, then James answered: "But mom, I never talk my problems out with John because I'm afraid I'd lose his friendship... He might not appreciate my honesty, and might feel humiliated.. He would then decide to end our friendship for good! And that would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me!"
"Oh dear", replied mother ant, "that's the trick we all fall for! We think if we do talk with our closest friends about what they do that bothers us, they won't appreciate it, & would finally end our relationship... But in reality, that's totally not what happens... Ants really appreciate honesty, my dear... And they value honest ants the most... I'm telling you this out of experience, because I've tried it more than once with other ant friends that I really cared for, and our problems would be solved in no time!"...
"Hmmm... Okay mom, I think I'll try it your way this time.. After all, I'm already losing my best friend anyway, so I think I have nothing more to lose even if I tried your way and it didn't work".
So, James went out of bed, put some ant clothes on, & headed directly to John's house... John's mother opened the door. She was all dressed up in black, & looked so sad. He asked her if John was there, & she told him he was upstairs in his room. On his way upstairs he saw John's father, greeted him, and he answered his greeting with a very gloomy smile... "What's wrong with this ant house?! Why have all the ants in here turned gloomy and sad?!", he thought to himself...
Finally, he reached John's room... He knocked on the door and went in... John turned to see who it was, & it seemed as if he was crying... He had tiny ant tears all over his cheeks... James couldn't understand what was happening... John ran towards him and hugged him the tightest ant hug any ant had hugged him before! After a while, he calmed down, & stopped crying...
"What's wrong John?", asked James, "I've never seen you cry that hard before!"... John replied with tears in his eyes, "My grandmother passed away!!!!!"...
James was in complete shock!... "What?! Why didn't you tell me when that happened? Aren't we best friends?"... John replied, "Well James, I tried... I called you three times at home this week, & every time you would just refuse to answer... I don't know why!! Aren't we best friends James, huh?"...
James took a deeeeep breath and answered, "Well, since you are the one who brought it all up, we'll have to talk everything out right now... I know it might not be the most appropriate timing, but if we don't talk about it now, we never will.."
"Remember when I called you last week, and asked you to hang out with me to celebrate my new job offer? And you refused and asked me to leave you alone?", said James. "Yes of course I do, James... I was not totally in the mood to go out", replied John... "Well that's a little weird, John... How could I have seen you hanging out with your cousins that same day then?! Or were you only not in the mood to go out with ME?!"...
"Okay", said John... "I'll explain everything"... That day my relatives were all gathered in our house because grandma was really really sick... They thought she would die any minute... So, when you called, I was so worried about her, & wanted to stay with her the longest time possible... That's why I said I couldn't go out with you... Then, you said you wanted to come over to see why I seemed so sad... That was when I turned a little aggressive, seeing you very happy about your new job, I didn't want to ruin that happiness for you... So I had to be firm with you, so you wouldn't even think to pass by my house at that gloomy timing"...
"Later that day," continued John, "my mother forced my relatives to take me out of the house, because she felt I wouldn't be able to take it if grandma died infront of my eyes"... I told her I wanted to stay, but she insisted I had to go out with my cousins for a while, to get some fresh air, and then come back...
When they finally took me out, my cousins tried every single way in order to let me free my mind from all the sadness I was in... They started telling jokes, & remembering all the happy memories we had together... They somewhat got me out of the gloomy mood, but I was still thinking about grandma all the time... That was probably when you saw us".
"I tried to call you the next day to apologize for the aggressive way I spoke to you, but you refused to answer... Two days later, my grandma died... I tried to call you again, but you still refused to answer... I tried calling some of our common friends as well, but they also refused to answer! I didn't understand what was happening... It was as if the whole world was turning against me, and I couldn't understand why!", said John, and he started crying again...
James calmed him down, and started to explain what had happened, and how he saw things only from his own perspective... He also explained how he told all of their friends about what had hapened. He was really ashamed of himself for thinking about his best friend in that way... He was also more ashamed for not being there for John when he really needed him...
They started discussing some of the problems that were hanging from the past, and speaking about them honestly with one another, seeing each others' perspectives & understanding how wrong it was not talking about all of this a long time ago!...
When it was finally time for James to leave, he gave John another tight ant hug, & apologized for not being a good friend in the past... John hugged him back and said, "Don't worry James, I wasn't a great friend either... But I really have to thank you for your honesty and care... You really are one of a kind!"...
And ever since then, they taught every single ant in their ant neighborhood about the value of honesty, and they applied it all through their ant lives until they died..
The end! :)
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Although this story might sound a bit childish, I think it applies to the lives of each and everyone of us... We've all gone through the same stories with some of our friends... We've lost some of them because we were afraid to talk everything out honestly, or because we thought that talking wouldn't change anything, and that those people are not worthy enough of knowing us anyway...
We usually talk to everyone -other than the person we have the problem with- about what's bothering us, about how we have suffered a lot in order to maintain this relationship, and about how we aren't going to tolerate this anymore from then on...
Mostly others don't find anything to do but support us, especially that we're saying everything from our own perspective... So they also, sooner or later, turn against the person we have the problem with as well... And we never give this person a chance to explain!...
That makes us unavailable for this person when they really need support and care... And all of this is just because we wee too lazy to sit down, PUT OURSELVES IN THEIR SHOES, and FORGIVE!
We tend to assume the person infront of us is bad... And that we are always better... We sometimes let go of things, not talking about them HONESTLY, and never notice that those things are never forgotten... On the contrary, they are the first things that pop up to our minds when we get into any kind of disagreement...
So, if we really care about someone... There are four basic rules we have to follow...
FIRST, we have to talk everything out all the time, and never leave any problems hanging without some honest discussion being held... And we shouldn't just jump into conclusions based on what we SEE, or what we HEAR from others... After all, being able to think and talk is actually what differentiates human-beings from animals! ;)
SECOND, we have to put ourselves in their shoes, and try to find at least 70 positive reasons for what they did, because mostly, people don't MEAN to harm their beloved ones...
THIRD, we shouldn't talk about our problems with everyone else around us... That would actually cause more harm than benefit, to us and to our loved ones as well...
And FOURTH, we should always forgive... Life is tooooo short to keep hanging on to old problems, and remembering them forever... We should learn to appreciate our dear and beloved ones while they're still there, before it's too late for us to do so...
