The power of the SMILE! :)

(Disclaimer: This article of mine was first published by "www.readingislam.com" on Dec. the 2nd, 2009)

"Well, believe it or not, I owe my being a Muslim today to a simple warm smile", said Stacey, an Australian friend of mine who had just become Muslim a couple of years ago.

She explained that the reason that made her interested to know about Islam was a very optimistic and cheerful young lady named Sarah, who used to work with her at the same company.

"I did not know her well, but I always felt there was something unique about her", added Stacey.

She explained how Sarah used to help everyone, looked cheerful and optimistic, and her mind always seemed free of troubles. Stacey wanted to know the secret, so she decided to get in direct contact with Sarah.

One day, Stacey decided to directly ask the young lady about the secret of her being always positive and optimistic.

"My religion helps me apply that! I'm a Muslim, you know," replied Sarah. She then started explaining how being a Muslim affects how you think, act, and feel towards yourself and towards others around you.

That was when Stacey decided to learn more about this wonderful religion that does not only address a person's spiritual relationship with God, but also, their communication skills when dealing with others around them.

A lot of people wrongly believe that in order to look respectable, they have to have a serious frown on their faces, so that others would feel that seriousness, and consequently respect them. Well, not in Islam. Islam always encourages Muslims to be optimistic and cheerful. That is basically because they believe in destiny.

Muslims believe that whatever happens in their lives only happens for their best, and that Allah is always watching over them wherever they are. Even when things seem really complicated, true Muslims believe deep down inside them that Allah's wisdom is behind all of that, and that soon enough, everything will turn to be just fine.

Muslims try not to worry so much about the future and what lies ahead. That does not mean that they do not always think about it; they definitely do, but they set clear goals, and plan for the steps they need to take in order to achieve these goals. However, after that, they stop worrying and put their full trust in Allah, leaving everything to His wisdom and mercy.

Prophet Muhammad himself was always said to have been cheerful, optimistic, and smiling. His face used to shine with the light of gratefulness to Allah, even though he faced so many hardships that no other human being could have ever endured. He was sure deep inside him that Allah is always there, looking over him, and changing his life to the better.

He (peace be upon him) also taught us to do the same. He even said that when a Muslim smiles to another Muslim, it's as if he or she has done a charitable action. (Al-Bukhari)

While practicing Islam, each one of us has the responsibility of showing the real Muslim character to others around us. It has been always said that actions speak louder than words, so the way we interact with others leaves a more profound effect than the actual content of the words we speak.

Believe it or not, body language does have a huge effect in communicating with others; "It’s not what you say, it's how you say it."

What is interesting about the smile is its power. It is surprisingly contagious among all people from different backgrounds, cultures, genders, ethnicities, and ages. It is the kind of language everyone understands. It has the power of making people feel special and appreciated, as it spreads positive energy all around the place.

Even according to psychology, smiling is considered a very healthy thing to do every now and then. Try it yourself: can you look at someone who is smiling at you and not smile back? I doubt that! I guess it is part of human nature just to smile back at someone who's smiling at you. We do it without even thinking.

To sum all that up, there is only one statement that I keep on reminding myself with; "I am a Muslim, and I have the most merciful God ever, so why should I even worry about anything, when I know deep down inside that everything happening to me is for my best interest?"

I encourage everyone out there to start practicing this healthy habit, spread positive energy all around, and get lots and lots of reward from Allah because of the charity being performed while smiling.

You'll See! :)

It started out with uneven teeth, moved on to psychology & a cafe project, then a lesson in presidency. Cartoons & old songs then took over, but before long, crocodiles started showing up!

Ever since that time, she's been looking at the sea through the thick fluffy clouds, swearing that the sun is just about to fully shine on, but everybody around her starts losing hope and settles for the thin rays shining on once every century!! :)

She still believes... Miracles DO happen... After all, her whole life has been living proof of that!...

"I'll just give it some more time...", she says :) :)

Egypt vs. Algeria... A slighly different point of view!

Last Wednesday, I went down to the streets one hour before the Egypt-Algeria match, and I couldn’t believe the AMAZING optimistic spirit that the people had!!! It was just wonderful!! Everyone believed STRONGLY that Egyptians can definitely make it to the world championship, and that all what we needed was Allah’s support…

What really caught my attention was the fact that people were smiling! Yes, everyone in the streets was smiling and laughing, which is soooo contradicting to what I usually see in our streets everyday… Egyptians are usually burdened with millions of problems to the extent that they forget to smile, or even refuse to feel optimistic sometimes… But that was NOT what I saw that day!! Not at all!! Everyone had forgotten about their own problems, and decided to be happy and optimistic for a while… It seemed to me as if Egyptians had been drowning all those years, but they’ve finally found a rope to cling on to… The rope that would help them be happy and optimistic again… The rope that would save them from drowning in their sorrows, pains and problems…

What was even more interesting was that this happiness had brushed away some of the wrong deeds and actions that we usually see between normal Egyptians in the street… That day, people were respecting the traffic rules, and for the first time in my life, A LOT of them even became very forgiving when others did not stick to their lanes –w kasaro 3aleehom-… The feeling of “I want revenge from the driver infront of me” was almost not existent that day... And that made me feel really happy and excited :D :)

We invited our cousins to watch the match with us at home that day… I loved the spirit we had all through the match… We believed strongly that we would be able to do it inshaa Allah... We kept believing till the very last minute of the match... Even though we did not win, and I couldn’t really believe that the match was over, I still didn’t feel any kind of hatred towards Algerians… Thirty minutes after the match ended, I found out I was still optimistic... I still had that patriotic spirit, and was still happy, proud, and blessed to be Egyptian…



Anyway, back to the 2nd match on Wednesday... Well... Right after the match ended, I remember I logged on to my facebook account, and I didn't find one person who was mad at Algeria... Everyone I know was either not happy that we lost, or simply said el7amdulillah, and congratulated the Algerians... Almost 3 hours later, I started to read weird things in my friends' statuses, telling everone to switch on the TV and listen to what was happening to the Egyptians in Sudan... Some started to write statements like: "حسبي الله ونعم الوكيل", and conveyed their total shock in what was happening...

At the begining, I though it was just media exaggeration as usual, and I decided not to give this issue any kind of attention... But almost half an hour later, I started checking out some of the posted links on facebook clearly showing that there was really something serious happening in Sudan...

Egyptian Celebrities started calling in, and describing what the Algerians were doing to them in Sudan... They started explaining how the buses got destroyed, how Egyptians were getting injured, and how they got scattered taking shelter in the sudanese houses... I was really shocked and scared when I heard that!!! I couldn't believe what was happening! I thought I was dreaming or something... Before long, I started seeing more videos and articles about what was happening there! :S I was really confused! Was this a match or a war?!!! It was unbelievable :S :S I even caught myself crying... Was this really happening between Arabs?!!! :'(

I almost didn't get any sleep that night... I was worried about the Egyptians and what was happening to them in Sudan... I was also worried about what would happen afterwards between the Arabs... The siblings!!... The Muslims... I admit that I was REALLY angry at the Algerians for what they were doing... I had never thought things would reach that serious state!! :S Why were they calling us zionists and jews!! Why were Egyptians being injured in the Sudanese streets??! Why were the Algerians being aggressive since the begining of the match (and even before it)?? And why ON EARTH were they cheering for their team while waving their knives in the air??!!! Why were they pointing their fingures in very offensive signs at the Egyptians in the stadium, and why were some people acting that rude when our national anthem was on??!!! And what I REALLY couldn't believe was the fact that they burned the Egyptian flag and stepped on the ashes with their feet and cars after the match!!!!! Why?!!! I can't recall ever seeing a flag being burnt other than the Israeli flag, but never could I imagine Arabs burning each other's country flags!!!!!! I was really frustrated and shocked!...

The next day, I kept checking out more of the videos and articles that were being posted on facebook, and watching some TV programs that were discussing the issue... And I started thinking... Hmmm...This is definitely NOT because of the match... This has to be something of a more political nature... If it was about the match, then all of this wouldn't have happened because the Algerians had already won the match! (Imagine if Egypt was the winning team! El7amdulillaaaah, Allah always does what besssst for us!)... So it was "illogical" for anyone to be convinced that it was because of a silly match... I felt there was a third party involved... Someone who was directing this whole movie from behind the scenes... And the first thought that popped up to my mind was "Isreal is DEFINITELY behind all of this"... I had read some parts of the book named "بروتوكولات حكماء صهيون" and I remembered reading something about what was happening now... Here are some parts that I thought applied:

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البروتوكول الثاني عشر

وسنعامل الصحافة على النهج الآتي: ما الدور الذي تلعبه الصحافة في الوقت الحاضر؟ انها تقوم بتهييج العواطف الجياشة في الناس، وأحياناً بإثارة المجادلات الحزبية الأنانية التي ربما تكون ضرورية لمقصدنا. وما أكثر ما تكون فارغة ظالمة زائفة، ومعظم الناس لا يدركون أغراضها الدقيقة أقل إدراك. إننا وسنسرجها وسنقودها بلجم حازمة.

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البروتوكول الثالث عشر:

ولكي نبعدها عن أن تكشف بأنفسها أي خط عمل جديد سنلهيها أيضاً بأنواع شتى من الملاهي والألعاب ومزجيات للفراغ والمجامع العامة وهلم جرا.

وسرعان ما سنبدأ الاعلان في الصحف داعين الناس إلى الدخول في مباريات شتى في كل انواع المشروعات: كالفن والرياضة وما اليهما . هذه المتع الجديدة ستلهي ذهن الشعب حتماً عن المسائل التي سنختلف فيها معه، وحالما يفقد الشعب تدريجاً نعمة التفكير المستقل بنفسه سيهتف جميعاً معنا لسبب واحد: هو أننا سنكون أعضاء المجتمع الوحيدين الذين يكونون أهلاً لتقديم خطوط تفكير جديدة.

وهذه الخطوط سنقدمها متوسلين بتسخير آلاتنا وحدها من أمثال الأشخاص الذين لا يستطاع الشك في تحالفهم معنا، أن دور المثاليين المتحررين سينتهي حالما يعترف بحكومتنا. وسيؤدون لنا خدمة طيبة حتى يحين ذلك الوقت.

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البرتوكول الرابع عشر:

وسيفضح فلاسفتنا كل مساوئ الديانات الأممية (غير اليهودية) ولكن لن يحكم أحد أبداً على دياناتنا من وجهة نظرها الحقة، إذ لن يستطاع لأحد أبداً أن يعرفها معرفة شاملة نافذة الا شعبنا الخاص الذي لن يخاطر بكشف أسرارها.

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البروتوكول الخامس عشر:

وانتم لا تتصورون كيف يسهل دفع امهر الامميين إلى حالة مضحكة من السذاجة والغفلة باثارة غروره واعجابه بنفسه،كيف يسهل من ناحية أخرى ـ ان تثبط شجاعته وعزيمته بأهون خيبة، ولو بالسكوت ببساطة عن تهليل الاستحسان له، وبذلك تدفعه إلى حالة خضوع ذليل كذل العبد إذ تصده عن الأمل في نجاح جديد، وبمقدار ما يحتقر شعبنا النجاح، ويقصر تطلعه على رؤية خططه متحققة، يحب الاميون النجاح،ويكونون مستعدين للتضحية بكل خططهم من اجله.

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(For the full version of the e-book, please visit this link: http://www.gemzat.com/56195371727/)
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I thought to myself... Hmmm... Okay... Well, I AM mad at what has happened... I AM mad at the Algerian government for sending people who were totally not suitable for football matches, to cheer for their country's team... I AM mad at the Algerians who were in that match for being rude to Egyptians during the match, for frightening and injuring some of them after the match and for damaging their buses and blocking their way to the airport... And I AM definitely mad at the Egyptian Government for not making sure that all Egyptians would be safe in Sudan, before permitting them to go there and cheer for the Egyptian team...

However....

I started to shift my way of thinking a bit... I started thinking of myself as an Algerian, and I started thinking of any excuse for what has happened, because that is what our religion "ISLAM" has always taught us to do... "التمس لأخيك 70 عذرا"... So, I went back with my memory almost 10 days before the match... I started seeing all sorts of videos, groups, photos and statuses, making fun of the Algerians, saying that they will have the worst time of their lives in Egypt during that match, and that we would defeat them again just like we did last time... Well, I am NOT the kind of person who is very much interested in football matches -I don't hate them, but they're not on my interests' list- but this time I was really interested to watch the match and see what everyone was excited about!... And I have to admit I looooved the feeling of staying under all that stress throughout the match, and was over the moooon when we won during the laaaaast minute!!! :) :) It was just an amazing feeling! :)

-Back to me in Algerian shoes now :D-

I thought, hmmm... Maybe the Algerians found those groups and photos very insulting, and that is why they wanted, soooo baaaadly, to win the match, so that they would regain their dignity... I know that is not a reasonable excuse if we, Egyptians, think about the issue... But, what if we added what THEY heard through the media about THEIR team's bus being destroyed and their players getting injured?? (I know WE were told that the Algerian players did that to themselves, but did the Algerian people in Algeria get to know that??... Or did they only see us making fun of them AGAIN, and saying that this was not true, without any kind of proof that what we were saying was the right thing??)... Wait...Wait... Wait... What if we also added the news about the 7 Algerians who were killed in Egypt??... (I know that was fake news, but did THEY realize that?! I mean, the Algerian Ambassador did not falsify this piece of information as soon as it got out, did he?)... If they were normal human beings, getting all of this through the different forms of media, what would they do??... If I was an Algerian, and I had heard all of this happened, I'm SURE I'd be disappointed and angry at Egypt...

But still, even though I tried to put myself in their shoes, I didn't find an excuse that would equalize what WE did to what THEY did!... I was still very angry at the Algerians for doing such shameful stuff to our peaceful Egyptian fans :S :S

Then... I stopped at that thought for a moment... Was I really doing that?! Was I generalizing?? Wasn't that one of the basic things that we were taught NOT to do when we were at University?? Yessss... if there was only ONE thing I had learnt at AUC, that would have been NOT to generalize!!.. How was I doing that now, when I had already tried the ridiculous feeling one gets when he is thought to be something he's not... I mean, didn't I graduate from AUC, the University that is considered the hometown of spoiled rich kids?... Was I a spoiled rich kid?! Were any of my friends like that?... I guess not... But did that stop people from generalizing? Not at all! And yet, hundreds on unspoiled, not-so-rich kids graduate from AUC every year, don't they?! ;) :) I'm not saying that no spoiled rich kids ever graduated from AUC... Nope... Lots did... But still, they are considered a small proportion of the university graduates... However, the media seldom shows that...

Then... I stopped again... Wait a minute... I'm a Muslim too... Isn't terrorism generalized to be something that All Muslims and Middle-Easterns do?! Are we ALL terrorists??... Definitely NOT! But how do people in THE WEST see us?... Hmmm...All Terrorists?...

So, although I had always HATED how I was treated as a spoiled rich kid every time anyone knows I had graduated from AUC... And although I REALLY HATED it when Muslims -like me- were said to be terrorists.... I was now doing the same thing!!! I was hating ALGERIANS as a whole... I was reading people's statuses about how they hate ALGERIA... I was hearing about strikes that are going to be held against the good-for-nothing barbarian ALGERIANS... I wonder... Why didn't we realize that those Algerians who came to cheer for their team were nothing but a very small proportion of Algeria?... Why were we soooo quick to generalize our hatred to ALGERIA as a whole?! I agree that those people couldn't have been sent to Sudan without their government permitting them to... But so??... That STILL doesn't mean that ALL Algerians have agreed to that? And it doesn't mean that ALL Algerians are that "Barbaric" and agressive!! Why was it sooooo easy to generalize??? Did we forget that we were brothers in HUMANITY, before being Arabs and Muslims like one another?!!!! :S

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Please check those two links:
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1212573086438&ref=nf
http://visualstoryteller.maktoobblog.com/1606363/كلمتين-في-زوري-هقولهم-لا-أزور/
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I paused for a longer while this time... And I thought to myself... Hmmm... I wonder how Prophet Muhammad, Peace Be Upon Him, would have reacted to what was happening if he were to be living in our days?... I wonder.... What would he have done?... That great man -Peace Be Upon Him- who said: "اذهبوا فأنتم الطلقاء" to the people of Mecca, who threw him out of the country and mistreated him during the early years of his prophecy... The man who was treated in a very bad way by non-Muslims, but was ALWAYS treating everyone in the best possible way (That was because he believed in his morals and manners... He didn't change them according to how others treated him... Noooo... He was not on the "reaction" side of the equation, he was rather on the "action" side, if you get what I mean...)

I wonder how the prophet would have felt if he had seen his grandchildren scattered, full of hatred against one another... I wonder how he would have felt knowing that his grandchildren had forgotten all about his hard work in order to help make them the Muslims they are today (not all Muslims of course... The REAL ones are the ones I mean ;D), and decided to focus only on taking revenge from one another based on false media sources :S :S

So, now to wrap all of this up...

Nothing here says I agree to what has happened lately, nor that I'm willing to let everything go and just forget about it... NOT AT ALL... I demand an official apology from the Algerian people and the Algerian government, and a logical explanation for what has happened (Because I still haven't heard any explanation from them yet, and I can't think of any reasonable explanation however hard I try!!!!)... AND... I demand that the Algerians who were involved in the Sudan fights be severely punished for their inhumane actions... And I will NOT settle for less than that...

However - and although a lot of people would disagree with me on that point- I just don't see how it would be useful to send a request to the FIFA asking them to repeat the match!!!! (This is something between the two countries Egypt and Algeria, and it shouldn't get out of those two countries! It's none of anybody else's business!!)... I just don't see how repeating the match would make our injured Egyptians feel better... All what I see is further humiliation to Arabs and their fights over a peaceful sport (After we've already made it to the newspaper headlines in the West)! Oh yeah... And further happiness for our enemies, especially Israelis, who would be thrilled to see us, Arabs, starting to turn against one another! That is EXACTLY what they want after all, and it's amazing how we're making it that easy for them!! :S :S We're showing them how easily we believe anything that is portrayed through the media, and how quickly we act according to what we see and hear, without taking the time to think wisely about what our reaction should really be... And that would make it much easier for them to further split us up in the future :S :S

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Check this out:
http://www.facebook.com/notes/esraa-makled/etfada7na-w-al-al-7amdouli-allah-d-ba2ool-netlam-ba2a/179024694715
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I think that if we're really asking to be respected as being EGYPTIANS, we have to work for it! We have to stop living on the great things our ancestors have done, and start doing other great things of our own! They were great because they PROVED their greatness, NOT by words, but by ACTIONS... And seriously, I believe that if everyone of us thought about Allah and Islam, and decided to do his/her best in whatever they're put in right now (studying, working, raising kids...) Egypt would become a really respectable place, and THAT would be what FORCES others to respect us whatever happens...

I hope that we would become as fast, serious and aggressive in our reactions, as we were to what happened after this match, when it comes to breaking through the Aqsa Mosque or any other killings of our Muslim brothers (which are increasing by the minute :S)...

At the end, I have to thank each and everyone of you who cared enough to read till this point in my note... I really appreciate it, and I can't wait for you reflective and beneficial comments :)

I'll leave you with our beloved Prophet's Hadeeth that says:
جاء في البخاري أن
رجلان من المهاجرين والأنصار تشاجرا
فَقَالَ الأَنْصَارِىُّيَا لَلأَنْصَارِ. وَقَالَ الْمُهَاجِرِىُّيَا لَلْمُهَاجِرِينَ
فَسَمِعَ ذَاكَ رَسُولُ اللَّه صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَ
مَابَالُ دَعْوَى جَاهِلِيَّةٍ
قَالُوا يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ كَسَعَ رَجُلٌ مِنَ الْمُهَاجِرِينَ رَجُلاً مِنَ الأَنْصَارِ .
فَقَالَ

دَعُوهَا فَإِنَّهَا مُنْتِنَةٌ

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Check this link about the same Hadeeth:
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=104226386260262&ref=nf
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And finally, those are links for stuff that have been made by people who really care about our Umma and about our brotherhood in Islam...

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Check them out:
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=184660747014&ref=nf
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=179951659293&ref=mf
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That's everything I have for now :)
Thanks for reading :)

Waiting for your commentssssssss :D

... And that's EXACTLY how we lose our close friends...

Once upon a time, in a faaaaar away land, there was a huuuuuge tribe of ants living in a big neighborhood together... They were all really happy, no one could deny it... They used to help one another in everything that was needed to be done... They loved each other soooo much, & cared for one another in an exceptional way...

Among this huge tribe, there were two newly born ants, who lived in two ant-houses right next to each other... The two baby ants, James & John, were really inseparable... They were considered an amazing example for real best friends... They grew up together, went to school together, & always kept each others' secrets :) The day came when they even graduated from the Ants' College together as well :) :D

One day, James called John up... He had just received a phone call from a huge marketing company, he was finally accepted to work with them! So, he wanted to hang out with John & celebrate! John answered, "Well James, I would've loved to... But I'm really busy today, I'm sorry"... He sounded very gloomy and sad... So James asked him what was wrong, & wanted to come over to his house & stay with him for a while, just like they usually do when any one of them is feeling down...

To James's surprise, John replied, "No James, Can't you just leave me alone?! That's all what I'm asking of you! Why can't you understand?!"... James felt really humiliated to get such an answer from his best buddy... So he ended the conversation right away... He kept thinking what he had done to deserve such treatment from his best friend!

He finally decided to go out on his own, to have a long walk in the ants' park and to try to free his mind from what was going on inside it... He walked for hours and hours, but felt more and more frustrated whenever he remembered his last phone call with John... He decided he would talk to John again tomorrow to know what was wrong with him...

On his way back home, he found some of John's cousins walking down the street... He looked closely, & there to his surprise was his best friend John! They looked so happy from where he was standing!!!

"That's it!", James thought to himself, "that's the end of it!... I don't want to see this #%*&%¥#¤ John again! I'll call him tomorrow to tell him that this is the end of our so-called friendship.. He probably didn't want to hang out with me because he's jealous he didn't get a job like mine! He didn't even sound happy for me when I told him about it on the telephone! He does not deserve being a part of my life anyway! I knew all along that he would become one of those ungrateful friends... It's my fault anyway! How did I ever think real friendship existed in this world?!"...

Later that day, James was feeling really sad, so he decided to sleep early.. He went to bed at 10pm but couldn't get himself to fall asleep until 2am! He kept asking himself, "Whyyyy?! How could he do this to me?!" Then he remembered all the fights they had gone through together, & how he -James- was always the first one to forgive... He wouldn't even talk about the problems, he would just give John a tight ant hug, & tell him how their friendship was stronger than all of those problems... And they would forget everything and start all over again...

All of those problems popped up to James's mind now... He also remembered all of the bad things that others used to say about John... He started to believe them, & was convinced that he -James- was a real idiot, having kept up with all of this humiliation throughout his past life... He decided that John doesn't even deserve the phone call he was going to give him tomorrow... "I won't talk to him ever again", decided James.

One week later, James's mother came into his room, holding the telephone and saying, "Wake up darling, John is on the phone. He sounds very sad and says he wants to speak to you"... James turned to his mother and signaled to her that he doesn't want to talk to him, & asked her to tell him that he's asleep. Surprised as she was, his mother couldn't do anything other than that... She wouldn't be able to force her son to speak on the phone if he didn't feel like it... But that was the third time he refused to speak to John! She had to do something about it!


After hanging up with John, James's mother started asking James about what had happened between the two of them... He didn't feel like talking at the beginning... "You would never understand!", said James... " Never" :'( His mother could not help but notice the small ant tears running down his cheeks... So she insisted on knowing the reason... And James could not keep everything to himself anymore, so he told her everything...

Mother ant took a deeeeep breath and said: "Oh darling, it must be hard for you, I know... That same situation happened to me with John's mother when we were young... But because I really valued the friendship I had with her... I decided I should go and talk everything out... And it appeared to me that I was seeing things from a perspective that was totally different than reality... So why don't you try doing the same?"...

James thought about it for a while, then replied, "But mom, I've told a lot of my friends about what happened between John & I last week, & they backed me up saying that breaking up our friendship was the logical thing to do now... After all, I was the one always forgiving and letting things go... So I can never be blamed... And they themselves even decided never to talk to him again"...

"James darling", mother ant replied, "Telling your friends about the problem between you and John was not the correct thing to do from the beginning... Firstly, some of them might be envying the amazing friendship you have with him, so they'd be determined to ruin things for both of you whenever they get the chance to... Those would definitely back you up and encourage you to end this relationship... Others might be good friends, but you would only be telling them the story from YOUR perspective... You would be explaining how innocent and good you have been, & how cruel he has been with you, so most of them would back you up as well".

"However," she added, "what you were supposed to do from the beginning was to wait until he calms down, then call him up, meet him, tell him exactly how you felt, & demand an explanation from him... You shouldn't just forgive without talking your problems through, & expressing you feelings... Because what really happens is that your unconscious ant mind stores everything inside it, & never lets go unless the problems are sorted out... So, whenever a new problem pops up, that unconscious mind reminds you of everything you thought you had forgotten... And that definitely ruins everything!"...

The room was silent for a couple of minutes, then James answered: "But mom, I never talk my problems out with John because I'm afraid I'd lose his friendship... He might not appreciate my honesty, and might feel humiliated.. He would then decide to end our friendship for good! And that would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me!"

"Oh dear", replied mother ant, "that's the trick we all fall for! We think if we do talk with our closest friends about what they do that bothers us, they won't appreciate it, & would finally end our relationship... But in reality, that's totally not what happens... Ants really appreciate honesty, my dear... And they value honest ants the most... I'm telling you this out of experience, because I've tried it more than once with other ant friends that I really cared for, and our problems would be solved in no time!"...

"Hmmm... Okay mom, I think I'll try it your way this time.. After all, I'm already losing my best friend anyway, so I think I have nothing more to lose even if I tried your way and it didn't work".

So, James went out of bed, put some ant clothes on, & headed directly to John's house... John's mother opened the door. She was all dressed up in black, & looked so sad. He asked her if John was there, & she told him he was upstairs in his room. On his way upstairs he saw John's father, greeted him, and he answered his greeting with a very gloomy smile... "What's wrong with this ant house?! Why have all the ants in here turned gloomy and sad?!", he thought to himself...

Finally, he reached John's room... He knocked on the door and went in... John turned to see who it was, & it seemed as if he was crying... He had tiny ant tears all over his cheeks... James couldn't understand what was happening... John ran towards him and hugged him the tightest ant hug any ant had hugged him before! After a while, he calmed down, & stopped crying...

"What's wrong John?", asked James, "I've never seen you cry that hard before!"... John replied with tears in his eyes, "My grandmother passed away!!!!!"...

James was in complete shock!... "What?! Why didn't you tell me when that happened? Aren't we best friends?"... John replied, "Well James, I tried... I called you three times at home this week, & every time you would just refuse to answer... I don't know why!! Aren't we best friends James, huh?"...

James took a deeeeep breath and answered, "Well, since you are the one who brought it all up, we'll have to talk everything out right now... I know it might not be the most appropriate timing, but if we don't talk about it now, we never will.."

"Remember when I called you last week, and asked you to hang out with me to celebrate my new job offer? And you refused and asked me to leave you alone?", said James. "Yes of course I do, James... I was not totally in the mood to go out", replied John... "Well that's a little weird, John... How could I have seen you hanging out with your cousins that same day then?! Or were you only not in the mood to go out with ME?!"...

"Okay", said John... "I'll explain everything"... That day my relatives were all gathered in our house because grandma was really really sick... They thought she would die any minute... So, when you called, I was so worried about her, & wanted to stay with her the longest time possible... That's why I said I couldn't go out with you... Then, you said you wanted to come over to see why I seemed so sad... That was when I turned a little aggressive, seeing you very happy about your new job, I didn't want to ruin that happiness for you... So I had to be firm with you, so you wouldn't even think to pass by my house at that gloomy timing"...

"Later that day," continued John, "my mother forced my relatives to take me out of the house, because she felt I wouldn't be able to take it if grandma died infront of my eyes"... I told her I wanted to stay, but she insisted I had to go out with my cousins for a while, to get some fresh air, and then come back...

When they finally took me out, my cousins tried every single way in order to let me free my mind from all the sadness I was in... They started telling jokes, & remembering all the happy memories we had together... They somewhat got me out of the gloomy mood, but I was still thinking about grandma all the time... That was probably when you saw us".

"I tried to call you the next day to apologize for the aggressive way I spoke to you, but you refused to answer... Two days later, my grandma died... I tried to call you again, but you still refused to answer... I tried calling some of our common friends as well, but they also refused to answer! I didn't understand what was happening... It was as if the whole world was turning against me, and I couldn't understand why!", said John, and he started crying again...

James calmed him down, and started to explain what had happened, and how he saw things only from his own perspective... He also explained how he told all of their friends about what had hapened. He was really ashamed of himself for thinking about his best friend in that way... He was also more ashamed for not being there for John when he really needed him...

They started discussing some of the problems that were hanging from the past, and speaking about them honestly with one another, seeing each others' perspectives & understanding how wrong it was not talking about all of this a long time ago!...

When it was finally time for James to leave, he gave John another tight ant hug, & apologized for not being a good friend in the past... John hugged him back and said, "Don't worry James, I wasn't a great friend either... But I really have to thank you for your honesty and care... You really are one of a kind!"...

And ever since then, they taught every single ant in their ant neighborhood about the value of honesty, and they applied it all through their ant lives until they died..

The end! :)

-------------------------------------

Although this story might sound a bit childish, I think it applies to the lives of each and everyone of us... We've all gone through the same stories with some of our friends... We've lost some of them because we were afraid to talk everything out honestly, or because we thought that talking wouldn't change anything, and that those people are not worthy enough of knowing us anyway...

We usually talk to everyone -other than the person we have the problem with- about what's bothering us, about how we have suffered a lot in order to maintain this relationship, and about how we aren't going to tolerate this anymore from then on...

Mostly others don't find anything to do but support us, especially that we're saying everything from our own perspective... So they also, sooner or later, turn against the person we have the problem with as well... And we never give this person a chance to explain!...

That makes us unavailable for this person when they really need support and care... And all of this is just because we wee too lazy to sit down, PUT OURSELVES IN THEIR SHOES, and FORGIVE!

We tend to assume the person infront of us is bad... And that we are always better... We sometimes let go of things, not talking about them HONESTLY, and never notice that those things are never forgotten... On the contrary, they are the first things that pop up to our minds when we get into any kind of disagreement...

So, if we really care about someone... There are four basic rules we have to follow...

FIRST, we have to talk everything out all the time, and never leave any problems hanging without some honest discussion being held... And we shouldn't just jump into conclusions based on what we SEE, or what we HEAR from others... After all, being able to think and talk is actually what differentiates human-beings from animals! ;)

SECOND, we have to put ourselves in their shoes, and try to find at least 70 positive reasons for what they did, because mostly, people don't MEAN to harm their beloved ones...

THIRD, we shouldn't talk about our problems with everyone else around us... That would actually cause more harm than benefit, to us and to our loved ones as well...

And FOURTH, we should always forgive... Life is tooooo short to keep hanging on to old problems, and remembering them forever... We should learn to appreciate our dear and beloved ones while they're still there, before it's too late for us to do so...

"Kesset 7ayaat Namla tele3laha senaan" :D -- (The story of the ant who now has teeth :D)

Hmmmm... I don't really know where to start from.. I just felt that I'm discovering a lot about myself, and undergoing a lot of changes in my life that I wanted to write down to clear my head a bit...

Okay, just to start with, mostly everything that I'm writing here is inspired by the events that took place in my life during the past year... I know I've just graduated only 6 months ago, but I've undergone a loooooot of experiences that have changed my life & my way of thinking...

This might seem a little bit chaotic, because I'm writing everything down exactly the way it pops up to my mind... I just need to warn everyone that it is toooo long as you all see, & it really has lots of ideas... So if you are not interested in reading reflective diaries, don't even think of starting to read it, because it would be a bit boring for you... I think this apparent for people who have suffered reading my past notes :D However, if this is still your first time, don't say I didn't warn you, cuz I just did! :D

Here we go...

During my very last semester at University, I started to feel that I was about to enter a new phase in my life... I did not want to leave AUC, but at the same time, I was curious and excited about becoming a responsible person, & depending on myself w keda...

During the last semester itself I went through A LOOOOT of tough decision making processes (that I never thought I'd be ever doing!), that somehow gave me a rough idea about what I was going to be facing, & the decisions I'll have to be taking throughout my coming years...

I started to discover a lot of things about myself, that I never knew even existed... I also experienced the CLEAR existence, GUIDANCE and MERCY of Allah in every step I wanted to take... I started to trust my decisions a little bit more, & was sure that Allah is always backing me up & helping me indirectly to take the right decisions, even if they seemed REALLY HARD to take at that time... It would always appear to be for my bessssst at the end :)

I was the kind of person who would endure any kind of suffering and pain as long as I knew that others around me were feeling good... So I used to give up A LOT of my rights, sometimes feel humiliated but not talk about it, and feel satisfied as long as others around me are happy...

Then I was faced with a HUGE life-changing decision that I had to take... I had the option of making people around me happy and satisfied & would convince myself that I'm happy as long as they are all happy, but deep inside me I would not be feeling okay... That was the first time I decided to rebel against my old self, & get out of my comfort zone... That was the first time I actually hurt someone... However, I was suuuuure that Allah was backing me up, & would NEVER make me take a decision that would lead to my misery, or anyone else's... I can't say it was easy AT ALL, but it was a HUGE positive shift in my personality & way of thinking! And I do not regret having taken that decision, because I believe it is for my best, & for the best of everyone else around, although almost everyone thought I was taking the wrong decision then... El7amdulillah..

Before long, I met new challenges... I graduated and started my career life... I met people I would never ever forget! People who are really rare to find these days... At the beginning, I was really disappointed for having to change my team, and become part of a new team whose members were all already friends... I never knew what was coming up ahead! I literally became part of the BEST team ever! People who helped change me to the better... People who made a profound mark in my life, and made a huge difference...

Throughout that experience, I learnt a lot...

I learnt that my first impressions about people and places are almost ALWAYS incorrect... They're even sometimes the exact opposite of reality! I mean for example, I did not like anyone in my team, but 6 months later I felt my life would be totally empty without them!!

I learnt that SOME people HAVE TO be treated in a serious way, and I was taught by my colleagues HOW to be aggressive -in details- when I want to, & with whomever I want! (not theoretically, but in an applied way!! :D)

I learnt that it is sooooo hard for guys to express their feelings & thoughts in words, either positively or negatively... But when they do it, it really is remarkable! :) However, they mostly try to express those feelings & thoughts in actions, & believe that it leaves a more profound mark when they do it that way... Girls on the other hand express feelings much easier in words & do that in real life events as well... (I'm glad I'm a girl! :D)

I discovered that I tend to express all my feelings ALL the time.. I mean it! I can not neglect anything that happens to me, & I'm definitely NOT the kind of person who can take something in from one ear and let it out of the other... Noooo waaaay! I do A LOT of thinking and analysis of almost everything happening around me... And I express my feelings instantly... If I appreciate someone I tell them right away, if I'm angry at someone I tell them right away as well... And if I feel humiliated or if I feel there's nothing I can do to solve a problem that I have, I tend to cry sooooo easily, disregarding where I am & who I am with... I just let everything out... It kind of makes me feel better in a way, instead of suppressing everything and doubling my anger... (needless to say of course that I enjoy writing all my thoughts and feelings down instead of just talking about them... I even find it much easier to do so! :D)

I also noticed that my social life is really important to me! Without having my friends and family in my life, I feel totally down, and I don't have the energy to do anything at all..

I discovered that although at the beginning I was REALLY happy about working in a shift-basis job as it would be less routinic, I am totally not the kind of person who fits in with such a lifestyle! I remember during my last semester at AUC, I used to start classes at about 3pm almost every day... My dad was waiting for me to graduate, and used to tease me saying that I would have to get up early each morning to get to work... When I found my shift basis job, I used to tease him back saying that I won't have to do that :D However, it finally appeared to me that he was right! I would better fit in a normal job with normal fixed working hours :)

I also learnt that when you're having problems with someone, you have to FACE THEM & talk everything out... Because otherwise you would unconsciously turn aggressive, & they would never know why you changed! They would definitely treat you badly in return! So, your bad idea about them would be confirmed! ("Self Fulfilling Prophecy", according to psychology) And you'd continue going round and round in that viscous circle...

However, there are some people who might SEEM as if they don't really care about any criticism addressed to them... However, deep down inside, they keep thinking about what they've been told... They might choose not to make the effort and change themselves, however in their back-memory, they know you're right!

During that time, I had to take the decision of being firm enough, & standing up for my beliefs.. Although I was hated by some of the people around me for doing that (and that was the 2nd time this happens to me in my whole life! :S), and although it was something really hard for me to do, I felt obliged to do it anyway... Hoping deep deep down inside me that the person I stood up against would sooner or later understand the reason I did that, & would try to see the positive & good intentions I had then...

I also learnt that ENCOURAGEMENT and SUPPORT are essential ingredients in every human being's life... Maybe with different rates, but they ARE essential! Not only at work, but also between parents & their children, and between friends... It REALLY leads to miracles, just to show the person infront of you that he/she is up to it, to trust him/her, & to support him/her all through the way... Some people might always seem to be strong and one would think that they don't need any kind of support, but believe it or not, those are the people who are in need of support and encouragement THE MOST! And they REALLY appreciate it when you understand that & provide them with it! :)
I myself need encouragement and support every now and then... However, it could be as small as a "great job" word, or a pat on the shoulder... Or even just a good comment about a trait I have... That would totally make my day! :)

I discovered that the best person one could ever be is himself/herself... Every person has soooo much good & kindness inside, but some refuse to show it out to people, so that they won't be thought weak... However, this weak part is really the BEST human aspect! When it is shown, it shows a totally different side of a person, and makes others appreciate him/her more... And believe it or not, people can clearly notice it when you are trying to be someone whom you aren't... And it doesn't look nice anyway... So why endure the hardships of it anyway?!..

Moreover, I discovered that -to some extend- I've developed the skill of being capable of knowing the actual realities of people... El7amdulillah I am now more capable of judging people around me, and assessing their degree of friendship... Even if I don't always talk about my assessments in public, I just keep it to myself, & I value people differently according to those assessments... That doesn't mean that I don't get deceived by people, I still do :S But I guess it's a little bit less than before El7amdulillah :)

I learnt, as well, that when you hear something bad being said about someone you know, something that seems unreasonable, or not applicable to their personality, you HAVE TO go face them with what you hear... Because most of the time what is being said is built on incorrect impressions... You have to -at least- give this person the chance to stand up for himself/herself, & you have the option of either believing them or not after that... After all, your opening-up might lead to stopping a whole bunch of rumors, that might affect this person negatively in the future... I now soooo believe in the quote that says: "Believe HALF of what you SEE, and NOTHING of what you HEAR"...

I also learnt that a REAL friend is someone who always respects your circumstances, and whatever you do, he/she would be always willing to forgive... Someone who is willing to talk about any problems that occur between the two of you, and reach concrete solutions... Someone who won't judge you harshly & decide to end their friendship with you, just because you were honest enough to tell them about their negative traits... Someone who ACTUALLY knows how to differentiate between the time to tell you about your flaws, & the time to shut up, & just be supportive... Someone who is still determined to keep in touch, & endure all the humiliation he/she has to undergo, in order to get you back in their life, although you've totally shut them out of it... That's what I call a real friend!

I also learnt that "Actions speak louder than words".. If you really want to make a difference in someone's life, YOU have to be the one doing the action you want to change him/her to... And you HAVE to be persistent in doing it, because you never know who else you're affecting... I also understood that sometimes you want to change a specific person to become better, and work hard on it... Then, you find a totally different person affected positively by what you did & changing to the better :) So, your hard work NEVER actually goes away... Allah just wants to tell you that your work will end in a good result but in the way that HE sees best ;)

Last but not least, I was assured to believe that Allah always knows what's best, & the best timing to bring it in our lives... We should only do our best, and wait for Allah's blessings and support... Although a lot of not-so-good events might occur on our way, we should always believe that Allah is doing that for our besssssst... Even if it appears to be a frustrating event, & even if you feel that you are being suppressed (mottahad)... And that people responsible for you are not giving you enough credit for what you do... Just believe that this is an exam (ebtelaa2) from Allah.. HE wants to make sure that you do believe in His mercy and in the fact that He always does what's best for you... And when He sees that in your heart, he gives you even moooooore than what you had been waiting for! :) I think a lot of us can relate to that! ;)

So, to sum everything up... I believe that a person should always be caring about others around him/her... We should try -more often- to put ourselves into others' shoes and give them even more than 70 excuses for whatever they do (just like we've been told by our beloved prophet Muhammad-PBUH-)... We should also understand that small things do really make a difference, and can definitely change people's lives to the better... Even a simple smile can have a remarkable effect! :)

I think that's everything I have for the time being... I thank everyone who has read all through this looooooong reflective note! I can't thank you enough begad! :) And I would loooooove to hear your comments about it please :)

Thanks again, & waiting for comments :)