When Crashing Waves Start Making Sense :)

When the crashing waves inside of you finally start to make sense...

When you take a long trip inside yourself and discover you have beliefs that totally contradict each other; yet you're strongly convinced with all of them...

When you get the chance to have insightful (fight-like) confrontations with yourself, where you get to see a part of you that you've never really seen before...

When you sometimes feel like you have two people fighting inside of you; a strong believing self and a weaker, worrisome one...

And finally... When the existence of all of these things together -with all of the crashing and fighting- starts to finally make sense ... And the sun starts shining on you from behind all the clustered clouds...

That's when you feel ...

You feel ...

...

Yup! :) Exactly!...

Hello there! Yourself speaking. How may I help you?!

Welcome to The Half-Baked Bloggers Consortium's (HBBC) first post, where Maha Mohamed, Ammar Al-Majali, Rana Safi, Maryam, Yara Hani, Noha Hanafy, Noor Al Zubaidy, Deppy, Nouran Ziad, Noor El terk, Salima Al Masrouri, Mariam Tarek, Sara Amr, Yasmine Fayez, Rania Khaled,Engi Amin, Ibhog, Nema Al, Hagar Haggag Yomna Arbad, Salma M San, My Essam and I voice our opinions about a weekly topic chosen by various members. This weekend's topic is Self-love, chosen by Nema. Please take the time to view thier blogs just as you viewed mine in order to get different perspectives about the same topic.

Last week, I woke up feeling really drained… I headed right to the bathroom… Just as I went past the bathroom mirror, I stopped... I went back again, looked directly at my reflection and just stood there staring…

I kept staring at myself for almost a couple of minutes… Then I finally heard myself saying: "Who are you?! Like seriously; who ARE you?!"… I felt that the reflection I was seeing in the mirror had no relation what-so-ever to the person who was speaking inside me…

I felt something was stuck in there!

As if a person inside of me was chained and wanted to go out but couldn't…

I remembered that the last time I had spent some quality time with myself was almost a year ago! (Check out what happened then), so I guess the "being drained" feeling was some kind of subtle message that myself was trying to send me, telling me that it was about time to do something like that again!... :) I guess it is about time fe3lan!

===============

Earlier in my life, I had established the fact that I needed to have a healthy relationship with myself first to be able to deal with others in a better way… So I tried to think of myself as if it was another person; or rather a separate friend of mine…

On one very far end of the spectrum, there are people who have never really talked to themselves before… They never even know that someone exists inside of them and that this "someone" needs to be nourished and cared for in special way… The first time they meet themselves is probably on their death-beds; which is really sad… Because if you do not know yourself at all, you're neither able to deal with yourself nor with others around you in a good way…

Some people know themselves, but just cannot accept what they know… It's weird, but somehow true… Sometimes loving yourself unconditionally is something really hard to do… I mean, accepting yourself for who you really are, disregarding your mistakes and flaws… Some people tend to belittle themselves and make them believe that they're not up to certain things in life and that is usually caused by low self confidence…

Some keep blaming themselves for things that happened, things that are happening and things that might even happen in the future… They live their lives in worry and blame… Nothing more… And the more they blame themselves for things that cannot be fixed (like the death of loved ones, tough breakups, and even friendships turning bad) the more they end up hurting themselves, and distancing the relationship…

Others think that loving yourself unconditionally is somehow a synonym of selfishness. They become so full of themselves and care for nothing else other than their satisfaction… And they seldom refuse taking any kind of advice from anyone around them… Their loud-voiced egos block the way…

Some people have a much more interesting relationship with themselves… They "think" that they know themselves quite well, when they actually know nothing! They set out on a trip to try and understand themselves, and when they really do, they do not stop there… They keep pushing themselves further and further, until they (&) themselves get lost, and become unable to separate between what they really look like and "how they want them" to look like…

My favorite group is this last group; people who have gone on a journey to get to know themselves better… They met themselves, dealt with them, encouraged them, loved them, nourished them, set realistic boundaries for them, and finally set them free… They've done what -in my point of view- every human being is here on Earth to do…

They first realized that they won't be able to interact with anything or anyone in this life until they get to know themselves better, so they did that… They then got to understand that humans are not perfect and that they have been created to sin and repent… So having flaws within themselves didn't seem to be a burden for them…

Then, they started giving themselves everything they were asked for, until they understood that "themselves" would never ever get enough, so they felt that certain boundaries had to be set… Boundaries that would stop "themselves" from wanting everything and using the ends-justify-the-means technique to get it… Training themselves on respecting such boundaries was inevitable, and they successfully did it…

They then asked their close friends to warn them whenever "themselves" acted abnormally in the future, so that they'd start training them accordingly…

Finally, they decided to set themselves free… They left them wandering around … And because they had been somehow brought up in a healthy environment, those selves understood that their Creator was the only One who would be able to make them happy…

So, every single day, those people would keep on maintaining their healthy relationships with themselves, setting the boundaries and providing all the needed nourishment and encouragement… And throughout the day, those selves would wander around trying to get closer to Allah and trying to understand His messages that are being continuously sent…

This way, one would confidently say that they were able to attain happiness in this life and that they have worked well trying to attain happiness in the afterlife as well… And this -I think- is what self-love is all about!... The only problem is that the line separating imaginative selflessness, egoistic selfishness and healthy self-love is very thin that lots of people sometimes step over it without noticing… THAT is what should be taken care of!...

So…

Where do YOU think you stand right now?...

** Think deeply before you answer**

"The One" ... MY one! :)

It was a lovely night outside… Silence spread all around… Spooky silence!... Everyone in the house was asleep… In fact, almost everyone in the whole neighborhood had been sound asleep for hours… And that was pretty normal; it was 3 o'clock in the morning!..

I had just finished working on a presentation of mine, when I looked up at the old ticking clock in the living room. "Just on time!", I thought to myself. Although I was dead tired, I just couldn't afford to miss that important meeting I had scheduled at 3:15am that day…

I knew that he would understand if I decided to cancel it… He wouldn't be a bit annoyed, because he knows how crammed up I am these days... However, he knew quite well that every part of my being was yearning to meet him.

We had been secretly meeting up every night at around the same time, for the past two whole months; so it was almost impossible for me to suddenly stop now! I knew I had deeply fallen in love with him, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it...

I couldn't skip meeting him; I had to thank him for what he had done that day…

Actually.. Not just that day!...

Ever since I knew him, he had been brightening up my days with happiness and contentment… I regret every single moment I've lived far away from him… He is "the one" that almost every girl on this planet dreams of…

He's like THE BEST listener in the world… You can keep on talking, whining, and even crying for hours, and he would never get bored nor decide to leave until you end the conversation, yourself, after feeling better.

Needless to talk about the cute messages he sends me every day. When I call him, he always reminds me -by the end of the call- saying: "I'm there for you whenever you need me…". And since he lives nearby, I can meet him as many times as I wish to, throughout any given day!...

He's simply a dream come true, and I'm more than blessed to have him in my life…

So, that night, I was so excited to meet him... I'll tell you why...

Two months earlier, I had been really depressed, angry and annoyed. My life wasn't heading off the way I thought it should be, and when I tried to talk about that with my friends and family members, they just couldn't grasp the idea I wanted to get across! They showed me some sympathy, and gave me some pieces of advice...

Everyone did so… But not him!

I had known him for a very long time, almost a life time!... However, I got to know him on a more personal and intimate level on a trip I had gone to last August... I had the chance to visit him at his own house there, and to visit some of the best places he likes... It was as if I was getting to know him again from the very beginning!...

When I talked to him about my problems, he knew how to listen attentively, and helped me feel at ease from the very first moment I started talking. He didn't give me any direct advice… Instead, he decided to engage me in a more interesting process that would probably help get my mind away from all of the depressing ideas I had at that time.

He promised to send me some daily messages with clues that would eventually lead me to solving my problems, and overcoming the obstacles I was facing. All what I had to do was just to stay alert so that I could understand what each clue really meant, and how it would help me in the near or far future.

Every message he sent to me was one of three kinds; either a cute comforting message to put me at ease until the next message arrives, or one that would help me take a decision, or one that would -indirectly- teach me a lesson.

He promised me that within a very short period of my receiving such messages, meeting him every single night, and answering his calls instantly whenever he calls, I would definitely start to feel relieved and peaceful. I don't know why I believed him, although I hadn't really known him that intimately before those past two months.

I thought, "Oh well… What do I have to lose?!... I'll try it anyway! At least it will help me forget about my problems for a while…"

And it really did!... Seriously, It was like MAGIC!...

Every day, for the past two months, I would wake up in the morning, feeling excited and energized! I would keep on imagining the messages and clues I'd be getting that day, eagerly awaiting their arrival.

After almost 2 weeks of doing this, and meeting him every single night to talk about what had happened all through the day, I started to feel something… Something that I cannot really describe in words… It was some kind of a peaceful yet exciting mood that had taken grip of my whole life…

I felt secure for the very first time in my life, and I actually started to trust him, unconditionally. After all, he never broke any of his promises before, and had promised me that he never will…

He had somehow become my personal guardian… my leading mentor… my patient psychiatrist… My ONE TRUE LOVE!...

But it was somehow a different kind of love… A kind that empties your whole heart of any other love, and fills it only with his love… However, surprisingly enough, this love I have for him motivates me to love everything and everyone else in my life… Strange, huh?!... But I really like it that way!

Ever since I knew him, whenever something bad happened to me throughout any given day, I would instantly think about him. "Maybe this is one of today's clues", I would tell myself. I would then work on analyzing it from so many different angles, trying to further understand it.

If I couldn't really get it, I would just let it go, FULLY TRUSTING that it must be something for my own good, or else he wouldn't have let it come my way… I would talk about it with him during our meeting at night , and he would either choose to explain it to me instantly, or just ask me to wait for some time…

Sometimes, he would even send me surprises! Cute ones… Ones that no one would imagine!… And what's even better is that some of those surprises would be nothing more than mere results of some bad-looking events that he had sent me earlier along the way… But seeing that I was fully trusting him, he would turn those bad events into the best surprises ever!

So, that night, I was so eager to meet him and thank him for the past two months… My life had changed 180 degrees, and that was all because of this relationship we've been having!... I had finally started to connect the dots and see the "big picture"… The picture of MY LIFE… And boy, what a picture that was!!! :)

I'm now writing this note to show him how grateful I am for everything he did, does, and will do for me! He is just beyond what words can describe… He is my one and only God; Allah…

And the best part is, the deal He made with me does not only apply to me. It's an offer for every existing individual on the surface of this planet!... It's your own choice to either accept this offer, and be ready for a lifetime of happiness, success, peacefulness and trust, or just let it go, and decide to take everything in your own hands…

He would only require you to answer His prayer calls once you hear them, talk and pray to Him at night when everyone else is asleep, trust Him in everything that He brings into your life, and try to keep an open heart and mind while receiving his clues through his "Holy Qur'an" messages, or simply through the daily events that He puts you in...

Having tried it, I definitely recommend this kind of relationship…

You'll never get a similar offer elsewhere, believe me! … ;) ;)

Me, Myself, and the Bouquet of Flowers

Recently, I realized I had been acting rudely towards myself, not giving her enough quality time… So, yesterday, on my way home from the dentist's, I decided to spend some time with her; just me and her, no one else!

We shared headphones, listening to our favorite soundtracks on my mobile phone, as we walked together, looking up at the dark starless-sky, and breathing as much of Cairo's polluted air as our lungs could possibly take in…

We decided to stay silent for some time, trying to establish some sort of communication with Allah, thanking Him for everything we've gone through… We wanted to let Him know how grateful and honored we are to have Him as our life mentor and guide…

We went on our way, remembering things that we've been through together, and laughing very hard inside! We now understood so many things that we had never even thought about a few days ago…

People looked at us as if we were crazy; seeing us happily smiling … They might have even mumbled some words to let us know how stupid they thought we were! However, the sound of the motivational music we were listening to was just too loud for us to hear any of their sarcastic words!

While walking, singing and laughing, we passed by a flower shop. I looked at the flowers they had on display, admired the colors of some, then looked ahead and continued on my way.

Myself stopped me. She wanted to have a closer look at the flowers. So, she asked me to join her and take a walk inside the shop to see if they really have good flowers there. I thought it was useless to do so.

I wasn't gonna buy flowers for myself! I know she LOVES them, however, I've never bought her any (except maybe once on a Valentine's Day back when we were in college! :D) because I always thought she likes to get them from others, not from me. So why go in, if we weren't gonna buy anything anyway?!

She reminded me that this was "her" quality time, so I had to shut up and silently walk in with her. And… I ended up buying her a nice costly bouquet of cute purple and white flowers. She held it carefully, close to her heart, and never had I seen her that happy before! It was the first time I had actually gotten her something she really loved!

When we walked a little bit further, listening to some more music, we passed by the falafel shop ""باباي in Mustafa El Na77aas, and she reminded me that she had wanted to eat a fries sandwich for a whole week now, but I hadn't had the time to buy it for her. I decided that since this was her day, I'll get her whatever she asks for.

We walked in with the flower bouquet, and ordered her the sandwich she wanted. No need to tell anyone about the extremely sarcastic looks we received from the workers in the shop there because of the bouquet myself was carrying! I think we can all imagine…

We finally got our sandwich and went out of the shop. She started eating it as if she hadn't eaten anything for a whole week or something. "I had really missed this delicious taste! Mmmm", said myself, getting the final bite of the sandwich. She was very happy!

I noticed she smelled the flowers every now and then, as if she was trying to keep their lovely scent inside her nose for the longest possible duration. She even did that while eating and crossing the streets! It was as if she couldn't believe I had bought her such lovely flowers.

I wanted to turn back home, but she was so excited to continue walking with me for a longer while. She felt I wasn't gonna be be able to give her such amazing quality time anytime soon especially with a busy, busy, busy schedule like the one I'm having these days! So, we carried on…

At some streets, the cars' noise was just too much for myself to take. So, I suggested we'd turn the volume of my mobile phone to the highest level, and sing out loud with the songs. Our voice won't be heard in this unbelievable noise, and no one was walking in those streets anyway; only cars were passing by.

We tried that, and it ROCKED! It was absolutely A.M.A.Z.I.N.G! We had done that together tons of times before in my car, but we never imagined it would be THAT exciting doing it in the street of Cairo!! It was so … liberating, I guess!

While walking together, and right in the middle of the song; "If Today Was Your Last Day", the Mosque on "Mustafa EL Na77aas" street caught our attention, with all the light coming out of it. Myself told me that she had a very strong urge to go there for a quick prayer.

"It won't take us more than 10 minutes, I promise", said myself. She explained that since she was having such an amazing time with me, she thought it was necessary to remember to thank Allah; for He is the one who allowed her to feel this happiness and excitement in the first place… for no clearly specific reason…

I agreed. We crossed the street and headed towards the women's prayer area. Unfortunately, it had already been closed, because it was about an hour and a half after "Al Isha" prayer! :S…

We crossed the street back again, and headed towards the supermarket. I knew I had to buy myself some ice-cream, just like I always do every time we come back from the dentist's. She had already eaten up the whole fries sandwich, however, there was always room for ice-cream! Always! :)

I bought myself a chocolate cone, and felt this strong urge to buy my mom another one. So I did…

On my way back home, mom called me up and asked where I had been. "Your car is parked right here in front of the building, so where are you?!", she said feeling worried. I told her I went to buy some ice-cream and was on my way home. So, of course I got my share of "tahzee2" for not letting her know that I was going to walk alone at night, to go buy ice-cream!!!

I took myself back home right away and gave my mom her ice-cream cone. I found my sisters still awake, so I showed them the bouquet of flowers, telling them how excited myself was to have received this gift from me!

My mom and sisters all gave me the "لا حول ولا قوة الا بالله " look, as if they were feeling sorry for me to have lost my mind! They knew nothing about the happiness and excitement I felt inside, after going on this short trip with myself…

And I guess they never will…

A conversation between "Me" and "Myself"! (**My Mid-2010 Resolutions**)

Several months ago, I started thinking about death more than anything else… But this time, on a more "serious" level… The trigger for this thought was the death of a person I have never met in my whole life, named "Omar Salah"…

After his death, I started to know more about him and about how he used to live his life… I also started to witness the love and respect that his friends had for him… I witnessed how people, who had never known him before, were talking about him and about his deeds and actions all the time… I couldn't see anything in all of this except that this was surely due to Allah's love for him! Anyone who heard about him, loved him right away, and that was definitely because of Allah's love to him!

I can't deny that at some point, I started to envy him and I started to think about how I would be remembered when I leave this world.

During my previous years, I've been always certain that death is gonna come one day, whether I want it to, or not… However, I realized I was always thinking that it was going to be a somewhat tough experience, and that although I really wanted to meet Allah, I still thought I was not ready.

However, recently, I started thinking in a bit of a different way. I started seeing things in a new light. I started to think that I'm probably gonna have to leave this life soon… And that's when an inner conversation, between myself and I, started in my head…

--Me : Am I ready? What have I done until now, to be ready to meet Allah?!!

I paused for a while...

**Myself : No… You're definitely not…

--Me : Will I ever be?!

I started to compare Allah's blessings and Mercy to the actions and deeds that I've done all through my life…

I paused, but for a longer while this time…

**Myself : You'll probably never be ready!

--Me : But I love Allah… He knows I love him although I admit the fact that I do a lot of wrong things.

**Myself : Don't lie to yourself, you take His Mercy for granted! You don't truly love Him, do you?...

--Me : Why do you say that?!

**Myself : Well… When someone "truly" loves someone else, they try to do whatever this person likes and refrain from doing whatever this person doesn't like… Right?

--Me : Yes… And that's…

** Myself interrupted: …That's what?!! Don't say that's what you do, because you'd be definitely lying...

--Me : ………

**Myself : Tell me… When you love someone… Wouldn't you be looking forward to meet him whenever he's free?? Wouldn't you wanna talk to him all day?! …Wouldn't you have him on your mind every single minute of every single day?!... Wouldn't you wait for his calls and text messages?! … Wouldn't you keep on talking about him with your friends and family all the time!?!.. Huh?...

--Me : Ummm… I guess so…

**Myself : Well, believe it or not… You don't do any of that!

--Me : What?!!!! How's that?!!...

**Myslef : Well… When the "azaan" is raised, that's when Allah is calling you to come and meet Him… You know what you usually do?!... You usually have something else to do, so you keep on procrastinating performing the prayer, and you sometimes even forget to pray, until it's time for the next prayer.

--Me : ………..

**Myself : Allah's messages and calls come to you through the Qura'an. Tell me, when was the last time you opened the "Mus-haf" and started to read randomly in that Holy book.

--Me : Ummm…. Well…

**Myself : See?! That's EXACTLY what I mean! You can't even remember!!! What happened to the "werd" of Quraan you used to read daily?!

--Me : ……….

**Myself : And if you think that you have Allah on your mind all the time, tell me, when you start your day, and get off to your job, do you always remember to renew your "neyya"??... Do you remember to think about Allah when you're at work?! To link what you do, to something that would please Allah?..

--Me : Well, yes, I remember to do that!! See, I told you… I do love Allah, and I remember Him through my days…

**Myself : Oh yeah!? … How often do you remember to do that?!... Once a week?! Or maybe once every month?!! Wow! That means you REALLY love Him, and always have Him on your mind!!

--Me : …………

**Myself : Tell me… How often do you talk about Allah with your friends and family?!

--Me : Well, you won't be able to win this one! I talk about Allah A LOT with everyone around me! You can even ask my friends, colleagues and family members!

**Myself : Really?! Do you talk about Him "more than" you talk about other people, and other problems that you have??...

--Me : ………….

**Myself : If you really love someone, you would always be happy and grateful for whatever this person gives you, and always try to make it better and better.

--Me : Yes, I'm always grateful for what He gives me! And I always remember to thank Him for all the good things He sends into my life…

**Myself : You do?!... Then why do I hear you whining a lot about things that take place in your life… Why do I see you unhappy about the country that Allah has chosen for you to live in?... Why don't I see you exerting enough effort to change this country… You only talk… But you don't take actions anymore, do you?! :S

--Me : ………….

**Myself : How many times a day do you thank Allah for giving you two eyes?!... For giving you a brain?!!... For giving you two eyes and two arms?!...

--Me : ……….

**Myself : You sometimes even forget to thank Him for such amazing blessings for weeks, months, and even years!!

--Me : ……….

**Myself : When you love someone, you stop doing what He doesn't like you to do… Can you tell me about one day –only one day- when you didn't disobey Allah??... One day in which you didn't talk about someone in a bad way, when they weren't there?... One day in which you didn't listen to someone making fun of someone else, and not stopping them –or listening to any other 'Haram' stuff of any kind-?... One day when you weren't rude to your parents –even between you and yourself, maybe thinking that they're too old to understand your genius mind!- ?... One day in which you didn't cheat someone else –however small or trivial-?... One day in which you stopped judging other people and believing that you're better than them?... Those are the least to say!..

--Me : ………………

**Myself : So, do you still think that you love Allah?!... Think again…

That was when I had to stop, and reshape my life! I started to think about what would happen if today was my last day on Earth… And I kept thinking… I won't be able to tell Him that I really love Him… I wouldn't be able to ask for His mercy and forgiveness, because I would be ashamed of the way I used to live… I might be even sent to Hell… And I might be destined to stay there eternally!!..

--Me : But wait a minute… I'm still alive, right?!

**Myself : Yes!

-- Me : Then I can still change myself… I can still change the way I live… I can change my relationship with Allah… I can show Allah that I really love Him… Not through words… But through actions…

**Myself : Okay… So what is your plan?!

-- Me : Hmmm… Let me think….

**Myself : ......

--Me : First of all, I have to know that whatever good deeds I do, I will never enter paradise according to what I did… If I enter Paradise, it will only be because of Allah's Mercy, nothing more… Whatever I do, nothing will be equal to Allah's blessings in my life! Nothing!

**Myself : I agree… What else?

--Me : Okay… Since the thought of death was what made me wake up and decide to change, then I have to keep it in my mind all the time… I remember when I used to hear the prayer of ذكرنا بالموت كل ساعة" " during Mustafa Hosni's lesson.. I used to say "امين" without actually feeling how it would be useful!... But now I see it clearly!

**Myself : And how will you do that?!...

--Me : Well… Here's what I thought I'd do… But promise me that you won't laugh! :)

**Myself : LoL..!! :) Okay I promise I'll TRY not to! :)

--Me : okay… Good enough… Well… I've always been wishing to die as a martyr… I wanna meet Allah and tell him that I sacrificed my life for Him and for Islam… I want to help solve the Palestinian problem, and be among the reasons of freeing the Aqsa Mosque… I want the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) to be proud of me as well… So I've been wishing for a very long time that this would happen, and whenever I told someone about it, they used to make fun of me…

**Myself : Yes, I know… I'm yourself… remember?!! :)

--Me : LoL!! Yeah right…! :) But you know what?.. I've been wishing for something new recently, I think you're still not aware of…

**Myself : And what's that?!...

--Me : Well… It's all built upon the idea of "visualizing" mixed with some stories about Prophet Muhammad's companions… I remember hearing some stories of how those companions asked Allah to make them die as martyrs, telling Him about the exact way they wanna die in the battle field… And how after their death, their friends would be astonished to see that they've died the same exact way they asked Allah to die in!!

**Myself : I see… And how does that apply to you?

--Me : Okay, I decided to ask Allah for a certain way to die in… And a specific day of the week (day, not date)… I decided to pray to Allah that He would end my life on a Thursday. I wanna die while fasting, in a certain way of his planning, that would make me die as a martyr… And I decided that I will have faith in this dream more than anything else in the whole world! This is exactly what deserves my "YaQeen"!

**Myself : WoW! I'm touched!

--Me : I'm not done yet…

**Myself : You're not?...

--Me : Ever since I started believing in this, I found that my way of thinking and acting has shifted greatly!

**Myself : And how's that?!

--Me : Every week, I start to think that this is my last week on Earth… So I try as much as I can to make it "THE BEST" week… I try!... And every day through that week, I feel I'm one day closer to death!... And just the thought of this, makes me shiver, and try my best to do everything in the right way…

**Myself : ……………

--Me : … And every Thursday morning, I think… "Hmmm… Maybe today' s the last day! And the coming hours are my last hours… So how can I make it the best day?!"… And when I finally hear "El Maghreb" prayer on Thursday, and start to break my fast, that's when I feel blessed the most! I feel that Allah has just given me a chance to live an extra week! AN EXTRA WEEK! He has permitted me to take an extra week worth of "hasanaat"… So I have to use it wisely!! VERY wisely!

**Myself : And how did you decide to use it wisely?

--Me : Well… I decided to improve my relationship with Allah first… Whenever I hear the call for a prayer, I feel as if Allah is calling me… ONLY ME… Not anyone else… He wants to meet me, and is giving me the chance to talk to Him about whatever I wanna talk about!! Are there any kings in this whole world who can offer me these same benefits?!!! None!

**Myself : Okay… That's great! What else?...

--Me : I also started to monitor myself more closely… Places I go to, people I meet, and things I do… I started to focus on renewing my intentions ("Neyya") whenever I do anything… If I'm going to attend this certain course for example, how will it be linked in a direct or indirect way to something that would strengthen my relationship with Allah, and win me hundreds of "hasanaat"?!...

**Myself : And how is that?! There are things you do that you cannot take a "neyya" in… You just do them!...

--Me : I quite disagree with that opinion of yours… And I'll give you examples if you want too… When I'm going out on this specific outing to meet my friends , when I'm buying a certain present for a friend, when I make my mom's day with a bouquet of flowers, when I visit my grandparents every week, when I let a car get past me then get in front of me in the same lane, when I go out for a walk alone, when I study a new language, when I call or SMS a friend to tell them how much I love them, when I plan for a surprise party for a friend of mine, and even when I eat… When doing all of those things, I can think of more than one "neyya", so I'd be doing something I like, having fun, and at the same time taking lots of thawaab because I remembered Allah while doing them! :) Taking thawaab doesn't always have to include hard work and incredible efforts! :)

**Myself : Yeah, I see what you mean…

--Me : I also decided not to regret doing anything that I've done in the past. I've learnt a lot from every mistake, and if it wasn't for my good, Allah would've never put me into all of those tough experiences… So, instead, I should be happy and proud of the lessons I've learnt and the experiences I have :) I will always be convinced that anything happening in my life is a sign from Allah, pointing me to the right direction, in the strangest ways possible! Nothing happens by mistake, or hasn't been planned for by Allah before taking place… So everything being said to me, anything I see, hear, feel, or even become part of, any new creative ideas I get, any person I meet, any place I visit, anything I study, and even anything I decide to say or do, ANYTHING at all, is part of the grand plan that Allah has previously put for my own life! So I'll always look closely, and try to see Allah's wisdom in all His actions throughout my life… And I will let myself be amazed at how the weirdest most depressing events were the reasons for the best events ever in my life! I truly believe that!

**Myself : That's true! Very true! I'm speechless!

-- Me : I've also decided to follow my dreams however crazy they are! As long as I have good intentions and a good aim in mind, then I have to work hard to make that dream come true, even if it would take me a very long time!!

**Myself : That's great! But not all dreams come true, you know… Sometimes you keep wishing and dreaming, and nothing happens!

--Me : Well, yes, you're right… I sometimes keep wishing for things to happen so hard, that I totally forget about all the other great things that I have in my life, and I only keep thinking about how miserable I'd be if I don't get this particular thing… But Allah is extremely merciful. He knows when to give me something I really need, and when to take away something from my life to give me something that is much better. He also knows when to keep me waiting, praying and pleading to get a specific thing; to test my faith and belief in his mercy and power. Then, He chooses either to give me this thing at the right time, or to give me a much better thing, as a reward for my patience and belief. He has previous knowledge about the ability of every human being; He knows that what one person can handle, can totally break the other. So from now on, when I keep wishing for something to come true, I have to have a strong belief that if it is something that is good for me, Allah will definitely make it happen at the right time! :) I'll just relax, be grateful, wish for the best, and have a smile on my face at all times insha'Allah :)

**Myself : Hmmm… This is really wonderful! I'm glad you've finally decided to change to the better, and I hope you'd be able to do that insha'Allah :) I have to go now… But we'll meet again, by the end of this year, 2010, to check how you applied all those ideas, and how your life changed accordingly!

--Me : Great! Can't wait! :) See you in December insha'Allah! :)