Me, Myself, and the Bouquet of Flowers

Recently, I realized I had been acting rudely towards myself, not giving her enough quality time… So, yesterday, on my way home from the dentist's, I decided to spend some time with her; just me and her, no one else!

We shared headphones, listening to our favorite soundtracks on my mobile phone, as we walked together, looking up at the dark starless-sky, and breathing as much of Cairo's polluted air as our lungs could possibly take in…

We decided to stay silent for some time, trying to establish some sort of communication with Allah, thanking Him for everything we've gone through… We wanted to let Him know how grateful and honored we are to have Him as our life mentor and guide…

We went on our way, remembering things that we've been through together, and laughing very hard inside! We now understood so many things that we had never even thought about a few days ago…

People looked at us as if we were crazy; seeing us happily smiling … They might have even mumbled some words to let us know how stupid they thought we were! However, the sound of the motivational music we were listening to was just too loud for us to hear any of their sarcastic words!

While walking, singing and laughing, we passed by a flower shop. I looked at the flowers they had on display, admired the colors of some, then looked ahead and continued on my way.

Myself stopped me. She wanted to have a closer look at the flowers. So, she asked me to join her and take a walk inside the shop to see if they really have good flowers there. I thought it was useless to do so.

I wasn't gonna buy flowers for myself! I know she LOVES them, however, I've never bought her any (except maybe once on a Valentine's Day back when we were in college! :D) because I always thought she likes to get them from others, not from me. So why go in, if we weren't gonna buy anything anyway?!

She reminded me that this was "her" quality time, so I had to shut up and silently walk in with her. And… I ended up buying her a nice costly bouquet of cute purple and white flowers. She held it carefully, close to her heart, and never had I seen her that happy before! It was the first time I had actually gotten her something she really loved!

When we walked a little bit further, listening to some more music, we passed by the falafel shop ""باباي in Mustafa El Na77aas, and she reminded me that she had wanted to eat a fries sandwich for a whole week now, but I hadn't had the time to buy it for her. I decided that since this was her day, I'll get her whatever she asks for.

We walked in with the flower bouquet, and ordered her the sandwich she wanted. No need to tell anyone about the extremely sarcastic looks we received from the workers in the shop there because of the bouquet myself was carrying! I think we can all imagine…

We finally got our sandwich and went out of the shop. She started eating it as if she hadn't eaten anything for a whole week or something. "I had really missed this delicious taste! Mmmm", said myself, getting the final bite of the sandwich. She was very happy!

I noticed she smelled the flowers every now and then, as if she was trying to keep their lovely scent inside her nose for the longest possible duration. She even did that while eating and crossing the streets! It was as if she couldn't believe I had bought her such lovely flowers.

I wanted to turn back home, but she was so excited to continue walking with me for a longer while. She felt I wasn't gonna be be able to give her such amazing quality time anytime soon especially with a busy, busy, busy schedule like the one I'm having these days! So, we carried on…

At some streets, the cars' noise was just too much for myself to take. So, I suggested we'd turn the volume of my mobile phone to the highest level, and sing out loud with the songs. Our voice won't be heard in this unbelievable noise, and no one was walking in those streets anyway; only cars were passing by.

We tried that, and it ROCKED! It was absolutely A.M.A.Z.I.N.G! We had done that together tons of times before in my car, but we never imagined it would be THAT exciting doing it in the street of Cairo!! It was so … liberating, I guess!

While walking together, and right in the middle of the song; "If Today Was Your Last Day", the Mosque on "Mustafa EL Na77aas" street caught our attention, with all the light coming out of it. Myself told me that she had a very strong urge to go there for a quick prayer.

"It won't take us more than 10 minutes, I promise", said myself. She explained that since she was having such an amazing time with me, she thought it was necessary to remember to thank Allah; for He is the one who allowed her to feel this happiness and excitement in the first place… for no clearly specific reason…

I agreed. We crossed the street and headed towards the women's prayer area. Unfortunately, it had already been closed, because it was about an hour and a half after "Al Isha" prayer! :S…

We crossed the street back again, and headed towards the supermarket. I knew I had to buy myself some ice-cream, just like I always do every time we come back from the dentist's. She had already eaten up the whole fries sandwich, however, there was always room for ice-cream! Always! :)

I bought myself a chocolate cone, and felt this strong urge to buy my mom another one. So I did…

On my way back home, mom called me up and asked where I had been. "Your car is parked right here in front of the building, so where are you?!", she said feeling worried. I told her I went to buy some ice-cream and was on my way home. So, of course I got my share of "tahzee2" for not letting her know that I was going to walk alone at night, to go buy ice-cream!!!

I took myself back home right away and gave my mom her ice-cream cone. I found my sisters still awake, so I showed them the bouquet of flowers, telling them how excited myself was to have received this gift from me!

My mom and sisters all gave me the "لا حول ولا قوة الا بالله " look, as if they were feeling sorry for me to have lost my mind! They knew nothing about the happiness and excitement I felt inside, after going on this short trip with myself…

And I guess they never will…

A conversation between "Me" and "Myself"! (**My Mid-2010 Resolutions**)

Several months ago, I started thinking about death more than anything else… But this time, on a more "serious" level… The trigger for this thought was the death of a person I have never met in my whole life, named "Omar Salah"…

After his death, I started to know more about him and about how he used to live his life… I also started to witness the love and respect that his friends had for him… I witnessed how people, who had never known him before, were talking about him and about his deeds and actions all the time… I couldn't see anything in all of this except that this was surely due to Allah's love for him! Anyone who heard about him, loved him right away, and that was definitely because of Allah's love to him!

I can't deny that at some point, I started to envy him and I started to think about how I would be remembered when I leave this world.

During my previous years, I've been always certain that death is gonna come one day, whether I want it to, or not… However, I realized I was always thinking that it was going to be a somewhat tough experience, and that although I really wanted to meet Allah, I still thought I was not ready.

However, recently, I started thinking in a bit of a different way. I started seeing things in a new light. I started to think that I'm probably gonna have to leave this life soon… And that's when an inner conversation, between myself and I, started in my head…

--Me : Am I ready? What have I done until now, to be ready to meet Allah?!!

I paused for a while...

**Myself : No… You're definitely not…

--Me : Will I ever be?!

I started to compare Allah's blessings and Mercy to the actions and deeds that I've done all through my life…

I paused, but for a longer while this time…

**Myself : You'll probably never be ready!

--Me : But I love Allah… He knows I love him although I admit the fact that I do a lot of wrong things.

**Myself : Don't lie to yourself, you take His Mercy for granted! You don't truly love Him, do you?...

--Me : Why do you say that?!

**Myself : Well… When someone "truly" loves someone else, they try to do whatever this person likes and refrain from doing whatever this person doesn't like… Right?

--Me : Yes… And that's…

** Myself interrupted: …That's what?!! Don't say that's what you do, because you'd be definitely lying...

--Me : ………

**Myself : Tell me… When you love someone… Wouldn't you be looking forward to meet him whenever he's free?? Wouldn't you wanna talk to him all day?! …Wouldn't you have him on your mind every single minute of every single day?!... Wouldn't you wait for his calls and text messages?! … Wouldn't you keep on talking about him with your friends and family all the time!?!.. Huh?...

--Me : Ummm… I guess so…

**Myself : Well, believe it or not… You don't do any of that!

--Me : What?!!!! How's that?!!...

**Myslef : Well… When the "azaan" is raised, that's when Allah is calling you to come and meet Him… You know what you usually do?!... You usually have something else to do, so you keep on procrastinating performing the prayer, and you sometimes even forget to pray, until it's time for the next prayer.

--Me : ………..

**Myself : Allah's messages and calls come to you through the Qura'an. Tell me, when was the last time you opened the "Mus-haf" and started to read randomly in that Holy book.

--Me : Ummm…. Well…

**Myself : See?! That's EXACTLY what I mean! You can't even remember!!! What happened to the "werd" of Quraan you used to read daily?!

--Me : ……….

**Myself : And if you think that you have Allah on your mind all the time, tell me, when you start your day, and get off to your job, do you always remember to renew your "neyya"??... Do you remember to think about Allah when you're at work?! To link what you do, to something that would please Allah?..

--Me : Well, yes, I remember to do that!! See, I told you… I do love Allah, and I remember Him through my days…

**Myself : Oh yeah!? … How often do you remember to do that?!... Once a week?! Or maybe once every month?!! Wow! That means you REALLY love Him, and always have Him on your mind!!

--Me : …………

**Myself : Tell me… How often do you talk about Allah with your friends and family?!

--Me : Well, you won't be able to win this one! I talk about Allah A LOT with everyone around me! You can even ask my friends, colleagues and family members!

**Myself : Really?! Do you talk about Him "more than" you talk about other people, and other problems that you have??...

--Me : ………….

**Myself : If you really love someone, you would always be happy and grateful for whatever this person gives you, and always try to make it better and better.

--Me : Yes, I'm always grateful for what He gives me! And I always remember to thank Him for all the good things He sends into my life…

**Myself : You do?!... Then why do I hear you whining a lot about things that take place in your life… Why do I see you unhappy about the country that Allah has chosen for you to live in?... Why don't I see you exerting enough effort to change this country… You only talk… But you don't take actions anymore, do you?! :S

--Me : ………….

**Myself : How many times a day do you thank Allah for giving you two eyes?!... For giving you a brain?!!... For giving you two eyes and two arms?!...

--Me : ……….

**Myself : You sometimes even forget to thank Him for such amazing blessings for weeks, months, and even years!!

--Me : ……….

**Myself : When you love someone, you stop doing what He doesn't like you to do… Can you tell me about one day –only one day- when you didn't disobey Allah??... One day in which you didn't talk about someone in a bad way, when they weren't there?... One day in which you didn't listen to someone making fun of someone else, and not stopping them –or listening to any other 'Haram' stuff of any kind-?... One day when you weren't rude to your parents –even between you and yourself, maybe thinking that they're too old to understand your genius mind!- ?... One day in which you didn't cheat someone else –however small or trivial-?... One day in which you stopped judging other people and believing that you're better than them?... Those are the least to say!..

--Me : ………………

**Myself : So, do you still think that you love Allah?!... Think again…

That was when I had to stop, and reshape my life! I started to think about what would happen if today was my last day on Earth… And I kept thinking… I won't be able to tell Him that I really love Him… I wouldn't be able to ask for His mercy and forgiveness, because I would be ashamed of the way I used to live… I might be even sent to Hell… And I might be destined to stay there eternally!!..

--Me : But wait a minute… I'm still alive, right?!

**Myself : Yes!

-- Me : Then I can still change myself… I can still change the way I live… I can change my relationship with Allah… I can show Allah that I really love Him… Not through words… But through actions…

**Myself : Okay… So what is your plan?!

-- Me : Hmmm… Let me think….

**Myself : ......

--Me : First of all, I have to know that whatever good deeds I do, I will never enter paradise according to what I did… If I enter Paradise, it will only be because of Allah's Mercy, nothing more… Whatever I do, nothing will be equal to Allah's blessings in my life! Nothing!

**Myself : I agree… What else?

--Me : Okay… Since the thought of death was what made me wake up and decide to change, then I have to keep it in my mind all the time… I remember when I used to hear the prayer of ذكرنا بالموت كل ساعة" " during Mustafa Hosni's lesson.. I used to say "امين" without actually feeling how it would be useful!... But now I see it clearly!

**Myself : And how will you do that?!...

--Me : Well… Here's what I thought I'd do… But promise me that you won't laugh! :)

**Myself : LoL..!! :) Okay I promise I'll TRY not to! :)

--Me : okay… Good enough… Well… I've always been wishing to die as a martyr… I wanna meet Allah and tell him that I sacrificed my life for Him and for Islam… I want to help solve the Palestinian problem, and be among the reasons of freeing the Aqsa Mosque… I want the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) to be proud of me as well… So I've been wishing for a very long time that this would happen, and whenever I told someone about it, they used to make fun of me…

**Myself : Yes, I know… I'm yourself… remember?!! :)

--Me : LoL!! Yeah right…! :) But you know what?.. I've been wishing for something new recently, I think you're still not aware of…

**Myself : And what's that?!...

--Me : Well… It's all built upon the idea of "visualizing" mixed with some stories about Prophet Muhammad's companions… I remember hearing some stories of how those companions asked Allah to make them die as martyrs, telling Him about the exact way they wanna die in the battle field… And how after their death, their friends would be astonished to see that they've died the same exact way they asked Allah to die in!!

**Myself : I see… And how does that apply to you?

--Me : Okay, I decided to ask Allah for a certain way to die in… And a specific day of the week (day, not date)… I decided to pray to Allah that He would end my life on a Thursday. I wanna die while fasting, in a certain way of his planning, that would make me die as a martyr… And I decided that I will have faith in this dream more than anything else in the whole world! This is exactly what deserves my "YaQeen"!

**Myself : WoW! I'm touched!

--Me : I'm not done yet…

**Myself : You're not?...

--Me : Ever since I started believing in this, I found that my way of thinking and acting has shifted greatly!

**Myself : And how's that?!

--Me : Every week, I start to think that this is my last week on Earth… So I try as much as I can to make it "THE BEST" week… I try!... And every day through that week, I feel I'm one day closer to death!... And just the thought of this, makes me shiver, and try my best to do everything in the right way…

**Myself : ……………

--Me : … And every Thursday morning, I think… "Hmmm… Maybe today' s the last day! And the coming hours are my last hours… So how can I make it the best day?!"… And when I finally hear "El Maghreb" prayer on Thursday, and start to break my fast, that's when I feel blessed the most! I feel that Allah has just given me a chance to live an extra week! AN EXTRA WEEK! He has permitted me to take an extra week worth of "hasanaat"… So I have to use it wisely!! VERY wisely!

**Myself : And how did you decide to use it wisely?

--Me : Well… I decided to improve my relationship with Allah first… Whenever I hear the call for a prayer, I feel as if Allah is calling me… ONLY ME… Not anyone else… He wants to meet me, and is giving me the chance to talk to Him about whatever I wanna talk about!! Are there any kings in this whole world who can offer me these same benefits?!!! None!

**Myself : Okay… That's great! What else?...

--Me : I also started to monitor myself more closely… Places I go to, people I meet, and things I do… I started to focus on renewing my intentions ("Neyya") whenever I do anything… If I'm going to attend this certain course for example, how will it be linked in a direct or indirect way to something that would strengthen my relationship with Allah, and win me hundreds of "hasanaat"?!...

**Myself : And how is that?! There are things you do that you cannot take a "neyya" in… You just do them!...

--Me : I quite disagree with that opinion of yours… And I'll give you examples if you want too… When I'm going out on this specific outing to meet my friends , when I'm buying a certain present for a friend, when I make my mom's day with a bouquet of flowers, when I visit my grandparents every week, when I let a car get past me then get in front of me in the same lane, when I go out for a walk alone, when I study a new language, when I call or SMS a friend to tell them how much I love them, when I plan for a surprise party for a friend of mine, and even when I eat… When doing all of those things, I can think of more than one "neyya", so I'd be doing something I like, having fun, and at the same time taking lots of thawaab because I remembered Allah while doing them! :) Taking thawaab doesn't always have to include hard work and incredible efforts! :)

**Myself : Yeah, I see what you mean…

--Me : I also decided not to regret doing anything that I've done in the past. I've learnt a lot from every mistake, and if it wasn't for my good, Allah would've never put me into all of those tough experiences… So, instead, I should be happy and proud of the lessons I've learnt and the experiences I have :) I will always be convinced that anything happening in my life is a sign from Allah, pointing me to the right direction, in the strangest ways possible! Nothing happens by mistake, or hasn't been planned for by Allah before taking place… So everything being said to me, anything I see, hear, feel, or even become part of, any new creative ideas I get, any person I meet, any place I visit, anything I study, and even anything I decide to say or do, ANYTHING at all, is part of the grand plan that Allah has previously put for my own life! So I'll always look closely, and try to see Allah's wisdom in all His actions throughout my life… And I will let myself be amazed at how the weirdest most depressing events were the reasons for the best events ever in my life! I truly believe that!

**Myself : That's true! Very true! I'm speechless!

-- Me : I've also decided to follow my dreams however crazy they are! As long as I have good intentions and a good aim in mind, then I have to work hard to make that dream come true, even if it would take me a very long time!!

**Myself : That's great! But not all dreams come true, you know… Sometimes you keep wishing and dreaming, and nothing happens!

--Me : Well, yes, you're right… I sometimes keep wishing for things to happen so hard, that I totally forget about all the other great things that I have in my life, and I only keep thinking about how miserable I'd be if I don't get this particular thing… But Allah is extremely merciful. He knows when to give me something I really need, and when to take away something from my life to give me something that is much better. He also knows when to keep me waiting, praying and pleading to get a specific thing; to test my faith and belief in his mercy and power. Then, He chooses either to give me this thing at the right time, or to give me a much better thing, as a reward for my patience and belief. He has previous knowledge about the ability of every human being; He knows that what one person can handle, can totally break the other. So from now on, when I keep wishing for something to come true, I have to have a strong belief that if it is something that is good for me, Allah will definitely make it happen at the right time! :) I'll just relax, be grateful, wish for the best, and have a smile on my face at all times insha'Allah :)

**Myself : Hmmm… This is really wonderful! I'm glad you've finally decided to change to the better, and I hope you'd be able to do that insha'Allah :) I have to go now… But we'll meet again, by the end of this year, 2010, to check how you applied all those ideas, and how your life changed accordingly!

--Me : Great! Can't wait! :) See you in December insha'Allah! :)

VALIDATION -- Movie Review

Okay, so I was thinking about posting this video on facebook, and writing my comments on it, but being who I am, (Abeer el ra3’aaya! :D) I decided to write a humble review of it, because I had a lot in mind...

First of all, you have to watch this 16-minute video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cbk980jV7Ao

(IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA READ THE NOTE BECAUSE IT'S A BIT LONG :D, THEN AT LEAST PLEASE WATCH THE MOVIE, YOU'LL LOVE IT isA, I GUARANTEE THAT!)

I watched this movie almost 3 times before, and every time I watch it again, I learn something new… The first person who showed me this video was my amazinggggggg sister (Rabbena ye7’alleehaali ya Rab!) Yomna Zaki :) And I profoundly thank her for that! :D Cuz I believe this is THE BEST movie ever made about this issue!

Now to share with you some of the lessons I learned throughout watching it…

At the beginning, this guy was alone… He had an idea, and thought that implementing it would do good to a lot of people, so he didn’t care about what others would say, or about how others would make fun of him… He believed strongly in his idea and went out there to do it… And he wasn’t offering something extra-ordinary or anything… He was just spreading positive thoughts and giving support to people who needed it… He was causing people to feel good about themselves, and simply SMILE!

There were a veryyyyy few people who came by at the beginning, but still, he didn’t give up… His belief kept him going… And before long, people started flowing in, and noticed the effect of what he was doing! “Word of Mouth” :) And that’s when the security people decided to stop him, because of their fear of what he might be doing, and his secret intentions!

Then, I LOVED how he dealt with them when they came in and started to talk to him aggressively; making fun of what he was doing… He didn’t get angry, he didn’t shout back at them… He was so calm, and used the same approach… He made them feel good about themselves! They really liked him, and not only that, they took him to their boss so that he would brighten his day, just as he did with them! That’s when I thought about the obstacles that one might face through life, one might choose to deal with them effectively like Hugh did, or choose to see them as indestructible steel walls…

And when he was asked about his secret, he simply said: “I just love to see people smile!”… I remember a friend of mine once said the EXACT same thing to me. That friend taught me how to always say Alhamdulillah all the time as well and I’m really grateful for that!

Now, to the core of the movie… When he met the girl who was supposed to take his driver’s license photo… How he tried everything in order to make her just smile, but still, she wouldn’t…
That reminded me of how I sometimes work very hard in order to change a certain person to the better, but however hard I try, this person never changes… Usually, there is someone just around the corner who is changing to the better at the same exact time, because of what I’m doing… However, me not seeing that, makes me think that my efforts were in vain… But I recently learnt that it’s just because Allah wants to teach us that we are “tools” … Mere tools… And that HE is the one who decides whom we’re supposed to affect, not us! As long as we have the good and pure intentions inside, we just have to be sure that we ARE positively influencing someone’s life, but Allah is the one who chooses who that is… :)

What happened afterwards was that he got disappointed and depressed… He, himself, turned into a gloomy, non-smiling person. When people came back for validation, they discovered he was not the person he used to be, and that he won’t make them feel good about themselves as he used to do, so they decided to leave right away…

That reminded me of “real” and “not-so-real” friends… Everyone in this life… EVERYONE… has their “up-times” as well as their “down-times”… No matter how happy that person might always be, he/she is still human, and might feel down for sometime… They might be the source of inspiration, support, and happiness for a lot of the people around them, however, when they gets into a down-phase, only REAL friends stick around to support them and give them some of the encouragement, and inspiration that they have always given them before, until they regain their strength and get back to who they really are. The “Not-So-Real” ones disappear right away if they don’t get what they want from them (in this situation; making them feel good about themselves), just like what happened in the movie!

What happened next was a part that affected greatly! When the couple wanted him to take their picture… He just couldn’t stop himself from telling them how their smiles were fake although they had every reason to smile, and he demanded that they show him real smiles instead! The REAL him came out again… Yes, he was feeling down, but deep inside him, he just loved to see people smiling! And although they didn’t know it, they were the reason that Allah sent to him in order to change the rest of his life!

Then the best part of the movie, and what I believe to be the core of it all, is the part about the lady in the wheelchair. He decided to make her day by saying something sweet about her… He didn’t lie though… He talked about something as simple as her eye colors matching her dress! And that really made her day! In fact, it made her smile for the first time in a looooong time! It really amazed me how we rarely say good things to each other… Good things as simple as; “You look cute today”, “You have a lovely spirit that lightens up the room”, “You inspire me”, “You have a lovely smile”, “Thank You for your continuous support”, “I know you’ve gone through a lot”, “I understand how you feel”, and soooo many other phrases that are sooooo simple, yet could change a person’s life 180 degrees!

I mean, every one of us remembers this stranger/friend that once told them something good about their outfit, about their personality, about their handwriting, about their positive attitude, about their friendliness, about their children, or even about their smile! And we remember how it affected us at that time, and how it still makes us happy when we remember it now… So why don’t we do this more often??!!… When we feel this person has changed our lives in a certain way, or when we think that a certain person is worth being thanked or supported, why don’t we do it right away (if at all!)?? Ever since the death of my dear friend “Engy Nassar”, May she be granted Heaven insha'Allah, I have learnt to do this; to always say what I feel about a certain person right when I feel it, because I never know what might happen tomorrow!

Back to the film, and specifically during the last part of it… When he saw the photo of the guy smiling on his driver’s license, and he decided to go look for Victoria, to know what changed her!! And when he finally found her, with people standing in a looooong line, waiting for her to take their picture… (He realized that they didn’t go to her only because she could take good pictures… No… But because she made them feel good about themselves… She made them smile from their hearts, so the photos always looked amazing!)

At that point in the movie, and specifically when she said: “I looked everywhere for you, but I couldn’t find you anywhere”… That was when it struck me! I thought about how two people could meet one another one day, and one of them would be madly in love with the other, being sure that this is “the one” for them… But then, for some unknown reason, everything falls apart… They think that they’ve failed, and that they’ll stay miserable for a very long time… But soon enough, they get over it, and live their life normally… Then, when Allah sees that this is the right time for them, -if they’re meant to be together in the first place- he brings them back together! At the beginning of this film for example, she was still not ready to be his partner, because she was so different than he was… She was gloomy and miserable, and if they had stayed together, he would have become gloomy as well, just like her… However, instead, she worked on making herself better… She worked on locating the criteria she wants in her partner, and applying those criteria to her own personality first… That’s when Allah finally brought them back together! :D Or at least that’s how I wanna see it! :)

And the very last part of them movie, the part when he discovered the reason she used to be miserable, and the reason for this total change… When he discovered that the old woman on the wheelchair was her mother!!!! I just couldn’t stop crying! It made me think that sometimes, when we try to change someone, and we don’t see them changing in front of our eyes, we think that they haven’t changed and never will… Although they might change without us ever knowing anything about them!

انا لا نضيع أجر من أحسن عملا

It all depends on your intention… If it’s pure, and you really wanna do something for the good of someone else, then be sure it will happen someday! Sooner or later it WILL happen inshaa’Allah :) This is exactly what happened in the film… He thought his efforts to make her smile were totally useless, although they actually weren’t… He exerted so little effort (in less than 5 minutes!) doing something as simple as making her mom happy, -without knowing it was HER mom- and that totally changed both their lives -hers and her mom's!

The last point that caught my attention was when Victoria told Hugh: “yes… Because you are great… You are amazing!”, and he replied: “No one has said that about me before!”… That really touched me! Sometimes, we have someone in our lives… Someone who is always supportive, always loves to encourage us and loves to see us happy, but we seldom remember to thank them, and make them feel how amazing we think they are!

So, this goes to the people who have done almost everything in their capability in order to make me who I am today, and I seldom said how much I love them, or how much I think they are amazing… A BIG “THANK YOU” goes out to my amazing small family! Mom, you are the besssssssst there is, and I can never thank you enough for what you do!! Although I don’t say it that much, but I’m really proud to have you as my mom, and I would neverrrr trade you for anyone else in this whole world! Dad, you are amazingggggg! Every day, I love you more than the day before! What you have been always doing for us is incredible; no words of gratitude would be enough! Yomna and Basma, I’m blessed to have sisters like you in my life who are also the bessssst friends any girl could everrrrrrrr have!!! :D

I think that’s enough for now... Thanksssssssss for reading! :) :) :)
I would surely love to read your comments if you have any!

PS: I’m currently looking for the person who made this film, to tell him/her how grateful I am, and how he/she has profoundly affected my life with those 16 minutes! If anyone knows anything about that, please help me out! :)

What do I do when I don't know what to do?!!!

What do I do when I feel lost? When I feel I don’t know what I want anymore… When I’m trying soooo hard to stand up on my feet, and show others how strong I am because I hate seeing the "sympathy" looks they have in their eyes for me, and because I know that a lot of them acquire their strength from me… although deep down inside me, I am the one who needs someone to acquire my strength from?...

What do I do when I wake up one morning feeling all the happiness, excitement and optimism in the world, and act accordingly, deeply believing that I can forget all my pains and disappointments, help make a difference in someone’s life, and decide to make all my dreams come true… And the very next day, I wake up and stay in bed for hours, staring at the ceiling, and trying to convince myself that there is no reason worth getting out of bed that day?!...

What do I do when I can’t stop my brain from thinking about the worst moments in my life… When I just can’t stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks, but I’m still trying to maintain the wide fake grin I have on my face, trying to trick myself into believing that I’m okay, trying to convince myself that everything will be alright?...

What do I do when my mood keeps changing every second from extreme to extreme?... When one moment, I'm laughing as hard as I can, and the very next moment, I just can't stop myself from crying?... When I feel I've totally lost my mind?...

What do I do when I feel I’ve been through A LOT in a very short time, but that I’m still tooooo young inside… When I realize that I have hundreds of memories in every single place I go to… Memories that keep on reminding me of people and moments that once were all what I could wish for... Memories that now have no existence anywhere else other that my imagination… When I get soooo caught up in such memories, that I sometimes secretly wish to get into an accident, get diagnosed with “memory-loss”, and start over with a completely new life?...

What do I do when almost everyone around me just doesn’t seem to understand how my brain operates… When they’re always criticizing how I see everything in an optimistic light… When they’re always pulling me down, showing me how I can’t live like that, trying to stop me from dreaming big because they’re worried I’d be disappointed when I don’t achieve what I dream of… And when I eventually find myself giving in to their pessimistic words and ideas?...

What do I do when I’m always thinking, thinking, thinking… About this and that… About everything that happened, everything that could’ve happened, and everything that might still happen, and I find myself automatically thinking of scenarios that would make everything good in my life fall apart, and get destroyed, although I was a person who always thought about nothing but hopeful and optimistic scenarios?...

What do I do when I’ve been living all my life, strongly believing in my dreams and standing up firmly in the face of any obstacle that might come through my way, but then I get to be put in soooo many tough situations that leave me with a semi-cracked life… with a mind and heart that refuse to dream anymore, fearing that they would eventually get disappointed –as always?!…

What do I do when others around me mistakenly believe that I'm someone whom I’m not anymore… When they think I’m still the pure, strong, pious person I used to be a few years ago, the person they’ve always thought of as their role model, although deep down inside me, I know I’m not like that anymore?!...

What do I do when I try my best to plan for my future, and fix everything up when it’s all broken, and when I finallyyyyy get one of the things that I’ve been always wishing for, and I’m ready to make any compromises just to keep things as “too-good-to-be-true” as they are, everything gets taken away from me again?...

What do I do when I feel so many pure people are leaving this world… REALLY good people, who could make a big change in the world one day… When I feel that my life can suddenly end with an accident, just like them, and I would leave this world having done nothing of much importance… When I feel that eventually no one will even remember to pray for me when I die?...

What do I do?... Huh??… What do I dooooo??!!!…

At that point in life, I think I only have to turn towards one direction… One direction Only… I turn straight to Allah… And start talking to Him…

I try to regain my strength, or at least what is left of it… Even if what’s left is just a tiny grain… I should take it, plant it in a place that receives a lot of sunlight every single day, and water it with positive and loving thoughts… And allow myself to be amazed at seeing the garden of “strength” that I would eventually end up with, much sooner than I might even think…

I decide not to regain my strength and optimism solely for my friends’ sake, since some of them believe that I’m their source of strength… Nope… Why not?... Because the kind of strength that I gain for that sake is not REAL, it’s only “Make believe”, and it soon fades away… I must decide to regain it for ME, for MY own sake… And only then would I be able to inspire others, with the REAL strength that I have within…

I convince myself that the pitiful looks I sometimes see in people's eyes are there only because those people do care about me… because they hate to see me getting hurt… and because they do not know of any other way in which they could help me out… So I should try to accept their way of doing it and be grateful enough, even though such looks only remind me of my weakness…

I decide to start writing down my dreams… Writing them down in real ink… Setting my goals, and setting some deadlines for them as well… Taking one step at a time… After all, no one can ever see what is on the2nd floor, without going all the way up passing by the first floor’s steps first, and hoping that better things await them on the next floor, IF they work hard to move themselves up those steps in the first place…

I convince myself that whatever happened, happened for a reason… And that memories are the best part of anyone’s life… If I wanna be diagnosed with “memory-loss”, this means that I’m willing to give up my good memories too -they all come in one package!-, which I’m totally not willing to do! And if I think hard enough, some of the bad memories had some good moments within them as well, so why would I want to let go of those happy moments all together?...

I realize that people who came into my life were one of three types… Either people who were just passing by, to give me an important lesson, like those random people I meet in the street, at the bank, at a restaurant or even in a cab… God meant for those people to come into my life for a very very short time, then leave right away, but the lessons I might learn from them could be life-changing!

Then, there are those who come into my life, and stay for a longer while… I usually see them more than once in my lifetime, and might probably know some of their names too… People in this group include school/university colleagues, co-workers, wrong partners, and fake friends… I learn very valuable lessons from those people as well... Lessons of a different nature, I can say..

The third and final group of people who came into my life were meant to stay there for a much longer time –compared to the other 2 groups. The reason for their existence in my life was for me to find someone to share my happy moments with, as well as my sorrows and pains… Someone to love me and cherish my existence in life, unconditionally, and accept me for who I am… Members of this group include REAL friends, true partners, family members or even certain role models that I have/had…

So, no matter how long a person has stayed in my life, they came into it for a reason from the beginning, and when that reason was fulfilled, they had to leave… This is the nature of life…

I start seeing how thankful I should be for the experiences that Allah has put me through, however tough they were, because through them, I learnt a lot about life, and got the strength to be the person I am today…

I also become more thankful to Allah for giving me such an analytical brain that helps me think about everything happening around me, and extract more lessons that some people might never even think about!... Being different and having unusual points of view about some issues, doesn't always mean I'm bad; it just means I'm different!… And being different still makes me proud! :)

I convince myself that when Allah takes away something very dear and near to my heart, it's just because HE wants me to learn not to love anything or anyone more than HIM… HE is the only constant truth in this world, while everything and everyone else changes, leaves or just fades away…

I also realize that sometimes I wish for things that are totally not suitable for me, or things that might lead to disasters in my life… I keep on praying and wishing for them to come true, and sometimes I just don't understand why it's taking too much time for them to happen… Then, one of two scenarios takes place… The first scenario would be me getting what I had been wishing for all along, then realizing how foolish I was to have asked for it in the first place, and seeing how Allah was merciful enough not to bring it into my life until I was actually capable of dealing with it…

The other scenario is that I would still not get what I wanted, but I would start seeing the other side of the coin, the side I never thought even existed… I would then understand why I was deprived of getting that thing, because Allah was so merciful, HE knew I wouldn’t survive the experience! After all, HE knows what one person can endure, and what would totally break another… لايكلف الله نفسا الا وسعها … That's when I thank Allah deeply from my heart for being merciful enough with me and depriving me of experiencing such things!

I look back at my life, and realize how everything that had happened to me -and I thought was the worst thing ever- was actually one of the main cornerstones leading to the happiest events of my life! I sometimes look at how things lead to other things, and how everything was planned for -in details- in a way that no one would have ever imagined, and I sigh!!! The sequence of the events is just unbelievable, and it keeps me wondering about what I'm still waiting to encounter in this life!.. It a uniquely Divine plan that can never be put, even by the best genius of our age!

And this alone keeps me relaxed, feeling that although I am here in this life to take my own decisions and shape my own life, I still have this merciful God who's always looking after me, correcting my mistakes and guiding me to the right decisions… A God, who can also change my fate if I keep on praying for something -that HE sees is good for me-, and believing strongly in it… A God who is always there for me, who has even granted me the gift of the "Istikhara", so that I would ask HIM to chose the best way for me, and make me take the right decisions, being sure that whatever happens afterwards would be the right decision, whatever the consequences were…

I decide not to hear negative comments from anyone unless they are objective, beneficial, and can be built upon… But if they're only comments being said to me, restricting my dreams and adding to my disappointments, then I decide to totally ignore them… Every once in a while I analyze the people existing in my life, and during that time, I cut off those who are consciously or unconsciously spreading negative energy and disappointing thoughts into my life… I cut them out of my life for good!...

I admit that I really miss the special people who came into my life, and then passed away… I pray for them, and I remember them often… (Please take the time to make a small prayer for Engy Nassar, if you're reading this...) But that is not enough… I have to cherish those whom I still I have in my life, and I must show them how much I care about them every now and then, because tomorrow just might be too late... I also have to start planning for my second REAL life when I join them after death… And since I have no idea when that would be or even where, I should put that plan right away and start applying it, because who knows, maybe today IS the last day for me on Earth… and if it really is, then I want it to be a fruitful day, not just another normal day that passes by without me adding anything to myself or to others around me…

If I really want to be remembered in a good way after I leave this life –let alone, be remembered at all- I should work on affecting people's lives around me… It's not about how BIG my effect is, as much as it is about sincerity and true care… People remember those who FEEL their pain and sorrow, HELP them with their problems, SUPPORT them when they need encouragement, and LOVE them when they feel excluded… It's not about "how many" people I've affected, it's about how profound my effect was, and how much it was needed… It's about having the pure intention of treating others around me in the best manner possible, because actually, I'm not treating "them", I'm treating "Allah" through treating them…

If Allah sees those pure intentions within me, only HE will be able to guide me to the ways in which I would affect more lives and help in changing things to the better… Yes, it works that way! I should first decide what I want to do, with the purest intentions possible, and agree to work hard to get where I want... Allah sees that in me, puts me into some tests to examine the sincerity and purity of my intentions, then HE puts me where I truly belong… Yes, it's that easy!... And it all depends on ME... MY decisions and MY intentions...

I keep reminding myself that I'm stronger than I think I am... I remember how I was part of the winning "Girls" team in the Help Club's ComBEAT competition ELHAMDULILLAH! I remind myself that I was responsible for the Student Union's "Maedat Al Rahman" project that got a record in 2005... I remember that I made it all the way up to VIA's Upper Board! I remind myself that I've managed to graduate from 2 universities at the same time ELHAMDULILLAH! And last but not least, I remember that I have once walked on REAL BURNING COAL! And that's when I usually catch myself smiling... A real genuine smile, coming right from my heart!

I can clearly see how I once thought that all of the previous achievements were amongst the most IMPOSSIBLE things to happen, and how I finally managed to be part of all of them, by only believing in myself, working hard with my friends and team members, and most importantly, by believing in Allah's blessings and HIS continuous support for me, because HE saw those pure intentions within me... (I also have to thank all those who helped me achieve all of the previous accomplishments, you know yourselves, and you all know I would have never been able to do it without your help and support! :D So thankssssss!) I decided to seriously work on purifying my intentions, because it becomes perfectly clear to me how I miss the way I felt in each and every situation of those!... Feelings that can NEVER be explained in words!...

I decide to constantly look at those who are less fortunate than I am, and thank Allah for giving me all those uncountable blessings… I look at those who are suffering in their lives, and compare my tiny problems to theirs, to feel how silly I am… That is the case for what relates to this finite world; this "dunia"… But when it comes to what relates to the afterlife; the "aakhera", I have to look at those who have achieved a lot… I have to take them as my role models, so that I would be encouraged to do more and more… so that "satan" would not make me fall in the trap of being happy with what people think about me, and what people falsely believe me to be…

And last but most importantly, I have to get back to the Quraan and "Thikr"… This is what always balances my mood and moderates it… I read/listen to the words of Allah, and try to understand the messages that HE's sending me through this Holy book every single minute of every single day… I talk to HIM, and I cry my heart out… I pray for anything I want, and stay optimistically convinced that it will all come true one day :) After all, HE is the one who said:

"واصبر لحكم ربك فانك بأعيننا" و "ادعوني أستجب لكم" و "ولسوف يعطيك ربك فترضي"

HE is also the one who said: " أنا عند ظن عبدي بي"… So if I believe HE can do something, HE will do it for me, and if I don't believe HE can, HE wouldn't! :) And I already know HE can do anything and everything, so why limit myself to what my mind only thinks is possible?!! ;) Why not dream of the impossible, belieeeeeve that Allah can really really make it come true, sit back and watch amazinggggg events happen every single day?! ... :)

Try it! ... Definitely worth it! :)

The power of the SMILE! :)

(Disclaimer: This article of mine was first published by "www.readingislam.com" on Dec. the 2nd, 2009)

"Well, believe it or not, I owe my being a Muslim today to a simple warm smile", said Stacey, an Australian friend of mine who had just become Muslim a couple of years ago.

She explained that the reason that made her interested to know about Islam was a very optimistic and cheerful young lady named Sarah, who used to work with her at the same company.

"I did not know her well, but I always felt there was something unique about her", added Stacey.

She explained how Sarah used to help everyone, looked cheerful and optimistic, and her mind always seemed free of troubles. Stacey wanted to know the secret, so she decided to get in direct contact with Sarah.

One day, Stacey decided to directly ask the young lady about the secret of her being always positive and optimistic.

"My religion helps me apply that! I'm a Muslim, you know," replied Sarah. She then started explaining how being a Muslim affects how you think, act, and feel towards yourself and towards others around you.

That was when Stacey decided to learn more about this wonderful religion that does not only address a person's spiritual relationship with God, but also, their communication skills when dealing with others around them.

A lot of people wrongly believe that in order to look respectable, they have to have a serious frown on their faces, so that others would feel that seriousness, and consequently respect them. Well, not in Islam. Islam always encourages Muslims to be optimistic and cheerful. That is basically because they believe in destiny.

Muslims believe that whatever happens in their lives only happens for their best, and that Allah is always watching over them wherever they are. Even when things seem really complicated, true Muslims believe deep down inside them that Allah's wisdom is behind all of that, and that soon enough, everything will turn to be just fine.

Muslims try not to worry so much about the future and what lies ahead. That does not mean that they do not always think about it; they definitely do, but they set clear goals, and plan for the steps they need to take in order to achieve these goals. However, after that, they stop worrying and put their full trust in Allah, leaving everything to His wisdom and mercy.

Prophet Muhammad himself was always said to have been cheerful, optimistic, and smiling. His face used to shine with the light of gratefulness to Allah, even though he faced so many hardships that no other human being could have ever endured. He was sure deep inside him that Allah is always there, looking over him, and changing his life to the better.

He (peace be upon him) also taught us to do the same. He even said that when a Muslim smiles to another Muslim, it's as if he or she has done a charitable action. (Al-Bukhari)

While practicing Islam, each one of us has the responsibility of showing the real Muslim character to others around us. It has been always said that actions speak louder than words, so the way we interact with others leaves a more profound effect than the actual content of the words we speak.

Believe it or not, body language does have a huge effect in communicating with others; "It’s not what you say, it's how you say it."

What is interesting about the smile is its power. It is surprisingly contagious among all people from different backgrounds, cultures, genders, ethnicities, and ages. It is the kind of language everyone understands. It has the power of making people feel special and appreciated, as it spreads positive energy all around the place.

Even according to psychology, smiling is considered a very healthy thing to do every now and then. Try it yourself: can you look at someone who is smiling at you and not smile back? I doubt that! I guess it is part of human nature just to smile back at someone who's smiling at you. We do it without even thinking.

To sum all that up, there is only one statement that I keep on reminding myself with; "I am a Muslim, and I have the most merciful God ever, so why should I even worry about anything, when I know deep down inside that everything happening to me is for my best interest?"

I encourage everyone out there to start practicing this healthy habit, spread positive energy all around, and get lots and lots of reward from Allah because of the charity being performed while smiling.